Future plans...

It seems I have inspired others around me. My mom has decided to run the Jersey Shore 1/2 marathon at the beginning of May  - which means I signed up too. My friend, Michelle, signed up for the Rutgers half at the end of April - which means I signed up for that as well. For me - these are good events to keep me motivated through the winter. Tis the season where I usually slack off - I don't like cold and I don't like darkness.
Now my mom has also signed up with Team McGraw for the 2011 ING NYC Marathon. Wow! She is not a runner - she is a crazy ass fast walker. Always has been. She's trying to throw in a few run bursts here & there now though. She's also working on getting her walking partner to sign up for the marathon so they can stick together. I went out with them last weekend for a walk/run. Saturday we did 3.5 miles; Sunday we did 5.5 miles. It felt good! In all honesty - I have done shit since the marathon. Prior to last weekend I think I made it out for a walk or run only twice.  Not good.
I'm just so damn tired. I'm really stressed out about a bunch of other things in my life which means I'm not sleeping well. I'm waking up around 3:30-4:00am and there I sit. Tossing & turning. But come 8:00pm - I'm dog tired and that's the end of it.
So - at my early wake up this morning, I decided that once I can breathe through my nose again, I will be using my insomnia as an opportunity to get in some super early morning runs. Anyone know where I can get those little flashlights that strap around your hands or wrists - or even built into gloves?? These are specifically for running in the dark.
This should help with my spring half marathon training goals. The distance doesn't scare me so I'm going for time goals. I still do not consider myself a runner though. I think the goals I have set for myself are realistic. I'm just looking to shave some time.
And the big news....despite the fact that I said I would NEVER run a full marathon again - I have signed up with Team McGraw once again to run NYC in 2011 and raise some $Cashola$. I'm worried about raising that much money again though. Hopefully I'll get in the lottery but I'm not counting on it. But my 3:30am wake up today gave me some time to think of a few ways that I may be able to raise donations. I'm thinking Etsy - and I'm thinking artwork....not mine - Marley & Chris. Will keep you posted on that.

Where I'm At...

     Here's where I'm at right now. I'm signed up for the Rutgers half-marathon on April 19th- I'm doing this one with Michelle. I'm using this one as a training run - more for the distance than for the speed. THEN I have the jersey shore half-marathon on May 1st. This one I'm going more for speed. My mom is doing this one too!      I'm doing what I'm calling reverse training. Since I just recently proved to myself that I can go the actual distance...now I'm working on my speed. SO- I'm going to act as if I'm starting from scratch. I'm going to continue my alternating of running/walking but since I'm going for speed, I'll start with more walking and my run "breaks" will be at my desired speed. Since I have plenty of time, I know that I can gradually build up the duration of my run breaks..and gradually reduce the duration of my walk breaks.
     According to my official marathon results, my average time was 15 min/miles....that factored in my runs at 11:30-12:00/min miles, my walking which was around 14:00-14:30/min  miles and the 20+ minutes waiting to go potty. What I'm looking to do is increase my run speed to 9:30-10:00min  miles.
     Yesterday I proved to myself that this speed IS do-able. I went about 3.5 miles - mostly walking but I did my run "breaks" at this speed. I noticed that there is a big difference between 9:30 and a 10:00min/miles. The 10:00 min/miles felt right...the 9:30 felt like I was getting reading to sprint and my cheeks were shaking (cheeks on my face, that is...but I'm sure my booty was shaking too!).
     I'm still not sure what I'm doing about the marathon next year. I entered the lottery so if I do get picked then of course I'm doing it. But if I don't get picked, I don't know what I'm going to do. Part of me wants to run and part of me just wants to cheer everyone else on. I guess I'll just play it by ear.
     Chris and my mom both entered the lottery...and they both have plans to run with Team McGraw. I feel that if I decide NOT to run - it would be amazing to still be part of the team AND to cheer not only my teammates on but my husband & mom too. I just don't know. Right now - the thought of training for a marathon again feels so, so draining.
     Now to talk about beer. For the last several months of training, I pretty much avoided drinking. I was more concerned with hydration and avoiding feeling like crap when I woke up. And at first, I felt deprived when I was out and didn't have anything or had 1 beer then switched to water. Eventually though, I lost my desire to have anything to drink. Now that the marathon is over...and I'm still kind of recovering in a sense, I figured it would be a good time to imbibe until I get back at it with seriousness after Thanksgiving. SO when our car broke down and we were stranded in some shithole in Maryland - we made a pit stop to the liquor store. 2 beers later and I was done - just didn't want anymore.
     OK - let me try again. So Friday night I bought myself a 6 pack. Again, 2 beers later and I'm done. What? SO not like my old self. Saturday we see some friends and we open a bottle of wine. This went down better...but I managed to fall asleep within 10 minutes of getting my kids to bed. Ehh - it seems I'm a little out of practice. It's healthier for me anyway, I suppose.
     Oh yeah - and the good news is that the weight that I managed to not lose an ounce of during marathon training (I'm talking not ONE ounce...in fact, I gained a few pounds)...is now coming off. I'm down 6 pounds. FINALLY.
     Now for the sad part...I was so sorry to hear that Team McGraw teammate, Jen McDevitt, lost her battle with brain cancer. She is truly an inspiration. When I first joined the team I was in it for Chris. But as you get to meet the team or read about others, you realize that you're doing it for a whole lot of people. Every time I bitched while running, I thought about Jen running while on chemo. Who the hell am I to bitch about ANYTHING?!?! Thank you for being an inspiration and I hope you are running with the wind.

Finisher!!

I'm still tired...and since Chris forgot to change the clock on the alarm clock - we are all up an hour earlier than needed to get the kids ready for school. SO - this might be unorganized - Sorry about that.

Heading in to the city on Saturday:
The excitement was great! Chris drove me & Yvonne to the train and while we were waiting some guy started talking to us about the marathon (He saw our Team McGraw backpacks). He had recently run the Marine Corps. Marathon and was telling us that we were going to break our goal time - boy was he wrong.
We get to the hotel - organize all our stuff for the morning. Clothes are set up & bag of crap is ready to go. We didn't think trying to get organized at 4am was such a good idea.

The pre-race pasta dinner:
Had an awesome time at the dinner. The food was awesome as was the crowd. It was great to finally meet in person all the people I've been speaking with online. Listening to all the team members share their stories about why they joined Team McGraw was inspiring. I started to cry when it was my turn so I wrapped it up quickly.

The night before:
This was rough. I really wanted to sleep well but all that nervous energy wasn't going to let that happen. I tossed and turned most of the night. I also woke up 2-3 times in a full body sweat which probably wasn't so great in terms of hydration. I decided to wake up at about 3:30am and have my coffee.

The start:
Although really cold, the village was fun. I was surrounded by thousands and thousands of people all about to do the same thing. I'm not good with maps - but I did think it was a little oddly organized. And remember - I did have a VIP pass so I walked over to the tent and went inside. Although warm, it was crowded and looked like just a place to get a bagel or muffin and sit at a table. Not my thing - so I decided to go back to my team. Oh yeah - no Edward Norton sightings :(

The real start:
We're moving our way to our corral and watching the 2nd wave cross the bridge. I was jumping out of my skin - I just wanted to get it done. We slowly work our way to the actual start line which took me a little over 10 minutes to get to there once we started moving. The bridge was COLD and very windy. My face felt totally frozen. Yvonne & I stayed together here - we started the incline with a fast walk for about the first mile. But it was so friggin cold we started to run so we could get into the sun ASAP!

Brooklyn:
The best! The energy was great! My energy AND the crowds. I was sticking to my alternating...I think the biggest mistake I made here was my speed. My runs were hitting 11:00 min/miles which was too fast...I tried to slow it down but I felt like no matter what I could not go slower than 12:00 min/miles. My walk breaks were around 14min/miles.
It was so awesome to see a few friendly faces too! Thanks MJ for the sign and cheer around mile 8 (I think??)...and it was great to see Patrick around mile 9. Also - thanks for my gatorade!
In addition to my speed mistake here - the potty mistake was huge. I had to pee around mile 6. Yes - I could've held it but I figured I better go early. I stood on line for 10-15 MINUTES!! WTF???? As I got back on my way - I noticed another bank of port-o-potties on the left that had NO line. I could have shaved all that time of waiting had I known there were potties on BOTH sides.
Oh yeah!! Almost forgot! I started listening to my ipod after Yvonne and I split up. I had it on low enough that I could still hear the crowds. I was probably around mile 4 or so when Limp Bizkit & Method Man came on....DEKALB! I actually laughed out loud! I love the word Dekalb - no idea why. And when we head into Brooklyn to hang out with Patrick & Liz we take Dekalb - which I repeatedly have to say loudly, "DEKALB!"

Queens:
Tried to make another quick pitstop - I think this was right around Mile 12 - I'm not exactly sure. Big problem here....although the line was short, the potty that opened up for me was NASTY. And I have a horrible gag reflex. I couldn't do it. I started dry-heaving and stumbled out into the fresh air without peeing. I think I dry-heaved for about 1/4 mile.
Passing the midway point was a great feeling. But I was concerned a bit since my hamstring was already a steady throb. As I was on the decline of the Queensboro Bridge I was worried I had missed John & Chris. I was bummed out and I was trying to remind myself to send a quick text at the next potty break. Then all of a sudden I saw a HUGE sign!! It was so awesome! Exactly what I needed at that moment. I stopped for hugs, gatorade and pictures!

59th Street Bridge:
Long stretch of quiet here. I saw a ton of people struggling or stopping and sitting on the divider for a break. I made a mistake here too - there is a spot where you can step up to the railing to take in the view. There were a bunch of people up there taking pics so I decided to stop and take in the view. Bad idea. Although I stopped - it felt like I was still moving and I could not get my hand to make contact with the railing. This is where the dizziness started. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb idea.
My wedding song came on and I started crying. In a good way - it was a reminder as to who this is for.

Coming off the bridge:
Within 1 minute of coming off the bridge I see a hot pink marshmallow! My family - Chris, Marley, Sean, my mom and Bill!! They were waving and taking pics and I started to make my way to them. I burst out crying - I had been dying to see my kids and there they were with signs. It was an unbelievable feeling.
5 minutes later my next batch of family! Paula, Paul, Dad, Annie and Mike! Made a quick stop to give smooches and pose for a pic and back on my way.

Loneliness:
1st Ave was not good. Really, really lonely. I realize that I was surrounded by crowds and other runners/ walkers but I was alone. The going was getting tough here. Here's where things changed. Although my hamstring was throbbing badly - this was a familiar pain. This is why I spent 6 weeks in physical therapy - the pain had gone away for most of my training but it had started to kick back up about 2 weeks ago. The other groin pain is relatively new. When I ran, I had groin pain....when I walked, I had hamstring pain. I opted for the hamstring pain because I know the feeling well so mentally, I would be able to handle it. This meant walking. So basically from mile 18 on was at a walk around 14 min/mile.
I can't quite describe the loneliness. I just felt really alone and it was a feeling that lasted with the rest of the race. Except for those few minutes that Jeff McMahon spotted me and jump on the course to walk with me for a few minutes. Again - it was great to see a familiar face. And to chat with someone for a few minutes. For those 5 or so minutes I forgot about my loneliness.

Boogie Down Bronx:
Things were getting even harder here. I started to feel really tired. I just wanted to be done. I was drinking my gatorade still and taking water at the station. Took another caffeinated GU hoping for a little boost.
Guy at the water station, "Go Kim! You don't need this exercise...you look Gooooood!" - Love the Bronx :)

Harlem:
I was DONE. Now I was getting angry. I was looking at my watch and getting mad that there was no way I was going to make 5:59:59. I was feeling a little light-headed/dizzy. I was physically exhausted. It took 2 hands to lift my gatorade bottle to my lips without it shaking. I was questioning my ability to finish. I was witnessing people throwing up on the side of the road, dropping down to the curb and just sitting, sitting down and taking off shoes to fix socks, wraps or bandages. It was not looking good here. The crowd had thinned out. The water stations were low on supplies. There was an ambulance and cop car about 1/4 mile behind me announcing they were marking the end of the police escort. I desperately tried to keep them that 1/4 mile back but they eventually caught up to me in Central Park.

Coming up on Central Park:
Someone needs to check the distance here. Why did it take so friggin' long to get to each new mile marker??? I really wanted to just stop. I was at the point that I really didn't give a shit if I finished or not. But I kept thinking about something I read recently....the memory of earning the medal is much greater than the memory of quitting. I repeated this over and over and over for the last 5 miles. All of a sudden I feel an arm around my shoulder, "Hey kid! You're almost there!!" I turned and it took a minute for mind to register that Patrick was on the course with me. He's always there when I need to vent some serious anger - sorry Patty, but you take it so well :)
2 seconds later I see my kids (and Chris, Mom and Bill). They are cheering that I'm almost done. Little did they know I wasn't sure if I was going to make it.
And then the rest of my family was at mile 25.5. They say I looked good - we are making them eye doctor appointments ASAP.
Where the fuck is the finish line!?!? The last 3/4 of mile was me repeating, "This sucks" and "Bullshit. Total fucking bullshit". I'm serious - I was PISSED off at this point.
Finally - the damn finish line. Crossed it. Yeah! Had to wait for a medal since the people in front of me had to create photo ops. I'm cold! Get the fuck out of my way! Finally get that medal around my neck - can move forward to be wrapped in foil...keep moving for my bag of snacks...keep moving. Get me out of this park. I'm FREEZING. Where the hell is Chris with my jacket?? Ahh...he's stuck in Central Park - they won't let him cross. Are you kidding me??? While he's trying to figure that out - I scope out a medical tent assuming there is a potty nearby. Yes! And there is toilet paper left! And it doesn't smell. AND for a few minutes I'm not freezing from the wind. I'm no longer dizzy but I'm scared to eat a snack because I thought my belly wasn't going to cooperate.
FINALLY - meet up with family around 60th (I had to walk there from 72nd)!! YEAH!!

My mom & Bill take the kids home....Chris & I head back to the hotel so I can get changed. It's not so easy to get back to the hotel. So crossing the finish line and getting together with the family takes 45 minutes. Trying to get back to 29th street takes even longer. There are NO available cabs. We tried in a few different spots but had no luck. Finally we just gave up and hopped on the subway. Changing into regular clothes felt great. But I kept my socks on - I was scared to see what was underneath.
We had just enough time to make our dinner reservations but that meant I had to skip the Foley's Pub after party. Team McGraw - I hope you all had an awesome day and I'm so sorry I didn't have enough time to meet up with you afterwards to celebrate!
Chinese food celebration with marathoners Liz and Naftali...along with their family & friends was fun. I was really zombie-fied though. My foot was really hurting and I was crashing. After having a little delicious salty food - Chris & I walked some more to finally get the car to make our way home.

Sleep came very easily last night. I'm sore today in weird spots. I'm hungry as hell too.
I realize what I did was a huge accomplishment but I'm really pissed that it took me so long. And I'm really pissed that I really, really struggled at the end.
I will not be doing another marathon. That is for sure. Being the cheering section works just fine for me. Half-marathons is where you will see me!
Congrats to all the participants. And thanks to all the spectators who kept me going.
Peace out.

NERVES!

Damn it. I do not like feeling this nervous. I wish I was the kind of person who could take this nervousness and turn it into positive excitement. But I am a worrier. And a doubter.
I know I've been training...and I know I've tackled the long runs. I also know I could've done more with my shorter training runs...but I'm a new runner. I haven't learned how to make running my priority just yet.
I'm tired from work, being a mommy, keeping up the house (even though Chris & I both take care of "chores"). Chris also offers to take care of more so I CAN go straight out for a run. But again - I'm not good with this. I'm a guilty mom who leaves really early for work and feels like I'm the absent parent most days. So going for a run first thing after I walk in the door makes me feel like I'm even more absent. Excuses? No. Just reality.
But now we're in the final countdown and I'm worried that because I don't know how to put myself first EVER, everything will backfire.
This marathon is on my thoughts at all times these days. I wake up with my jaw hurting because I've been clenching & grinding my teeth all night. I randomly get butterflies in my stomach out of the blue. I burst out crying last night while washing dishes.
I feel like I'm out of my league here.
HOWEVER...there is something deep inside me that knows I will fucking finish this. And my slow ass is still getting it done. I will be crying. I will be freaking out. But I will get. it. done.
I will learn something about myself. I will also learn what things I need to change about myself. Or work harder at for my next race - whichever that will be.
I'm belly breathing to calm me down. I'm visualizing the medal around my neck. And I'm trying so so hard to just calm down instead of wasting precious energy on worry and doubt.
I'm trying to get to the "place" I got myself to when I was in labor with Sean. I had a minor meltdown before we left for the hospital...thinking that I'm ruining Marley's life as an only child, how could I not think of her, I'm a horrible mother, etc. But on the way to the hospital something happened. The panic left. I was calm. So totally calm. I went through all those hours of labor - riding out the contractions - with determined focus. And I made it through with no problems.
I need to get to that place...only I'm not sure how I got there.

Week 14 DONE

Done Done Done. 20 freakin' miles. Unbelievable!! It was pretty uneventful though - I found myself moving slower than usual...but I think this was because I was bored. My music wasn't entertaining me...the wind was just annoying me...I was alone on the same route I always take. The boredom was the worst of the day. My foot held up nicely with the moleskin padding, lots of lube and looser shoelaces. My hamstring on the other hand was tight but nothing I couldn't handle.
I tried to follow coach's advice and find a "happy place" but I couldn't focus on anything. I started planning what I would pack in the backpack that Chris is going to meet me with after the finish line...and I remembered that I wanted to let me friends & family who are coming to cheer know that they should wear something red...and to wear sneakers in case they need to hop the barricade to give me a pep talk. I found myself singing out loud and then I felt like a freak so I stopped.
I did pass someone who must've been training too since I saw him when I was around mile 7...then I saw him again when I was at mile 17.5 and close to tears. He however, was running uphill at a good clip and did not have a look of pain or fighting back a cry. Damn.
And, as usual, my path crossed with the asshole who I see every single weekend and he still refuses to acknowledge me. I say good morning to him every weekend..and every weekend I get ignored. He's in his mock turtleneck tucked into running tights and he run/shuffles with a stick. This totally amuses me because the neighborhood I see him in is totally suburban so it's not like he's fending off wild dogs or thugs. So again, I see him this morning and get ignored. Then around mile 7 I stopped for a quick pee break and Chris told me I smelled RANCID. Thank you - I love you too :) Anyway, I see this guy again when I'm around mile 9...we happened to turn onto the same street heading in the same direction and he was going slower than me so I had to pass him. I decided to pass close by so he could get a nice whiff of eau du body odor. Gave me a moment of satisfaction.
Later - when I was around mile 15, I was in the urban area I run through. I run through 2 different towns and they range from sprawling properties in what long ago was farm land...to regular suburbia on postage stamp lots (where I live) to a little ghetto. So I'm in the ghetto area and coming towards me on the sidewalk is a quite intimidating guy with tons of gold chains, sagging jeans, big Northface jacket concealing a weapon perhaps, and what does he do...says, "Mornin' - how you doin?" My response was, "Crappy" which made us both chuckle.
I'm drawn by the differences in these people and how they interact with others. Perhaps thats why my major was Sociology.
I'm looking forward to tapering - I'll tell you that. I don't know about this distance. Perhaps I'm more of a 1/2 marathon runner. I COULD enter the lottery for the NYC 1/2 in March...and really work on improving my speed. Or I could take a break until the spring and then sign up for some races then. I just don't know what the future brings with me & running. I AM going to start riding my bike again...I'm kind of interested in the women's only mini triathlon down the shore but that means swimming in the open waters. Jaws could be out there....which is another way of me saying that although I can swim, I don't know if I can swim THAT well. My gym offers a triathlon swimming course so maybe I could sign up for that over the winter.

Week 13...

OK - for starters, my recovery week from that nasty stomach bug was not too bad. My stomach was really sensitive though on Monday & Tuesday so I couldn't eat much - which didn't help me regain any energy. If I bent over a certain way to pick something up or put something down my legs would wobble. By Wednesday though I felt much better so I went out for a run...felt good to get out. Legs felt good too.
My watch on the other hand did not do so well. "Memory Full" would flash whenever I tried to start the timer - how is that possible when I had deleted all activities?? After my run, I read through the manual and learned there is a system reset - tried that, all looked ok until I tried to use my watch at school on Friday. I was running with my 7th grade class during their gym period - and this week the run was going to be outside so I wanted to clock the distance of the laps they had to do. I get started, hit start and again "Memory Full". Damn it. After working my way through a ridiculously long menu...and then sitting on hold for 30 minutes I finally get to a live person who in less than 5 minutes - walked me through doing a more intense reset.
SO....for my long run this week I opted to run last week's mileage which was 12 miles. Is this going to set me back? No - since I screwed up plotting out the training schedule. On Coach's training spreadsheet I typed in date ranges next to each week of training. The thing is, I missed an entire week of October somehow when doing the plotting. Which means - I have an entire extra week of training I can do! SO I did last week's - next weekend will be a 20 miler. I'm already a little anxious about it - I will be aggressively hydrating all week...and will make sure I'm eating properly (I've been on a SUGAR kick the last 3 days - no clue why). I can do this.
I also wanted to talk about the 50/50 we had at Crossroads. First of all, they were so great in allowing us to hold this there. I've known them for a LONG time (since 3rd grade according to Mrs. Frankel) so it was nice to see familiar faces there. And there were bands playing already so we were just an add on which was great because no money had to come out of our pockets to host the raffle there. We were able to bring in $250 - of which $125 went to the winner (a guy who bought just one ticket!)...and $125 went to Team McGraw. This is great considering we didn't really do anything except have a few beers with friends. We took turns making a quick walk through of the place offering tickets but we also had a table set up so people could come to us...and we could catch people on their way into the bar too. Next year (I say this with the assumption that I will survive this year's marathon and want to do this lunacy again) I think we could put more effort into it and really make some $$. McGovern is going to try to set something up at Molly Maguire's so that should be great too.
The unbelievable task of training for and running a marathon AND raising money for brain tumors - which everyone already knows or quickly learned that is a situation that Chris & I were thrown into 4 years ago - is SO SO important to me. This is seriously the biggest thing I've ever done. I'm obsessed with it - I live it, breathe it, eat it, sleep it. And what's amazing to me is that during this time I have learned of the unbelievable support from friends, family, strangers, and people who I haven't spoken to since high school!!! Unfortunately, with be the amazing support also comes some let downs but you know what - that's not my problem, it's theirs.
Until next week which I'm sure will include some serious potty mouth..."Ya Gotta Believe"!!!

Week 12...

Not quite done. A fast moving stomach bug decided to take over my body early Saturday morning.
My week consisted of a few short runs, a power yoga day and a fun run with some of my school kids during their gym class.
My "3rd Child" is an 8th grader and although we had originally made a wager (him improving his attitude with his current teachers if he lost - which he would...or me wearing a "Grandma Golden" sign every day at school - he likes to say I look old which I most certainly do not!)...we decided that we would just run together at a good pace instead of race (I let him off the hook after he was reminded that I have been marathon training).  Plus - our "race" was an endurance one since last year he beat me easy in a sprint - although I like to blame it on the flip flops I had on. We ran just under 1.5 miles then I did sit-ups with the rest of the class. I have to say...1. situps are NOT the same as crunches - they are hard! 2. Mid-day short runs are an awesome stress reliever.
Friday night I had a weird pain in my side but I just figured it was sore from the sit-ups. Saturday morning was fine - had my coffee, started laundry, etc. Took another sip of luke warm coffee and a funny taste lingered in my mouth. My belly also started to feel "sloshy". I ate some toast and went out to run a quick errand....where the nausea increased. I spent the rest of the day in the bathroom or laying on the couch FREEZING despite the many layers I had on (Although I did not actually have a fever!). It wasn't fun. And it was even worse when I started to feel a little better around 8pm....to then deal with my daughter puking from 9pm-12:30am. Oddly - we both woke up totally fine.
I am being smart though and skipping what should be a 12 mile long run this weekend. I'm totally dehydrated and run-down. I can't imagine going a mile without it knocking me out. But it makes me nervous that missing this long run is going to set me back.
I'm definitely looking forward to the many miles coming up during the week...and a 20 miler next Saturday morning. AND a fundraiser next Saturday night at Crossroads in Garwood - if you're in the area, come on by for great live music and a 50/50 raffle!

Week 11 done!

OK - once again I know I didn't do enough during the week. It's really tough getting back into work after the summer off...and getting the kids back on schedule. My house looks like a tornado blew through. Here's the problem with during the week - when I walk in the door, the kids are already home with Chris. He is trying to figure out what to make for dinner...the kids are running around like lunatics...and for some reason instead of changing right away and heading out, I feel like I immediately have to unpack everyone's stuff, assess homework and start packing lunches & snacks for the next day. By the time I'm done, I'm wiped out, it's time for dinner and will be too dark to run outside alone. SO - the plan is changing. This coming week I'm running immediately and will pack snacks/lunches AFTER dinner. There is no other way.
The long run was supposed to be on Sunday but we had a family birthday party on Saturday afternoon and honestly, I just wanted to have a few beers and not obsess about hydration for a few hours. Due to this, I decided to do my long run early Saturday. Unfortunately, the weather on Saturday turned out to be close to 90 degrees and extremely humid. I do not like this kind of weather! But it is what it is so around 7:45am I headed out. My friend/neighbor, Chris, happened to be walking his dog while I was setting up my pit stop porch so I got a big cheer from him...and then another neighbor opened her door regardless of the fact that she was still in her nightgown to yell, "You got this! You can totally do this!" Love them.
I started on my way with what was supposed to be a 20 miler. Although slow, my first few miles were ok. I seem to be averaging under 11:30/mile while running and 15 min/mile when walk breaking. Miles 4-8 is when the foot pain increased. It wasn't so bad that I felt the need to stop but I really started to worry about stress fractures. So much so that I "lost" 40 minutes of my run. I mean, I don't remember those 40 minutes passing. Very strange.
Mile 12 is where I got really uncomfortable. Other than the fact that I was soaked in sweat, the humidity & the gnats were pissing me off. I was also feeling tired and really, really worried about my foot. My walk breaks turned to more like 16 min/miles. Unacceptable. I sent a quick text to friend/teammate Yvonne for guidance...she said, "Stop. Ice & Rest. Don't push it and turn this into something really serious." Good idea. But in order to stop I had to finish my loop. The PSE&G guys were out working and they'd been cheering me on every time I went by...this time they could tell I was hobbling.
14.75 miles and I'm on my front porch crying my eyes out from frustration. Chris is sitting with me telling me to be smart and don't get so upset. Hello??? I've been busting my ASS and I'll be damned if this is a fucking stress fracture and I'm told not to run. No. No. No. I sit there crying with an ice pack on my foot for 10 minutes...wiggle my toes & foot and realize the pain isn't too bad...Screw it - I'm doing another loop.
18 miles is all I could do. "ALL I COULD DO" - that's funny to me when you also see the number 18. Last summer 1.8 miles was ALL I COULD DO. I could've probably hobbled out a few more miles but since I had been moving SO SO slow - I was now short on time to get showered for the birthday party.
I'm showering and thinking, "I'm getting DEEE-RUNK today!". HAHAHA! Didn't quite happen that way. At the party I drank about 8 bottles of water....then filled a pint glass with water twice. Had some food. Had a Captain & Coke made for me which took me over an hour to drink since I fell asleep in a lawn chair. Ate a piece of cake....came home..had 1 beer and went to sleep.
So much for my big plan to drink away my frustration.
And the OCD in me woke up to continue my obsessive researching & self-diagnosing of my foot issue. For those of you who don't know me well - I am the master self-diagnoser. I have considered applying to med school. No joke - I am always right. This has led me to assessing the movement & pain in my foot and what it appears to be is a friggin' bone spur. Annoying but manageable.
I will be more consistent with my weekly runs...and am looking forward to "only doing 12" next weekend.

Week 10 Done!

This week flew by. I know for sure that I didn't get enough runs in during the week...but I did manage to add in late night (this would be 8pm for me during the school year!) pilates. I really tried to keep sufficiently hydrated too.
The long run was going to be the most I've ever done but I wasn't feeling too worried about it since last week's run was only 2 miles less and that ended on a good note. But things don't always go my way.
I went to be early and set the alarm. I wanted to get up, have coffee, a little breakfast, potty routine and get out the door. That all happened but not as smoothly as I had hoped. Poop, Period, and Sinus issues were what I woke up to. Damn it. This was NOT going to work in my favor.
I "manned up" and set out. Once again, my front porch became my pit stop...turns out I had to make a pit stop quite often thanks to my numerous issues of the day.
Similar to last week, the first 4 miles were ok. I kept to my ratio for the most part and although I didn't feel great, I wasn't miserable. Miles 4-8 were great. I had a pretty decent groove going so I opted to cut back on the walk breaks. I was really feeling pretty good at this point despite the cramps and rumbling.
Things continued like this until my pit stop around mile 15. I'm not exactly sure what happened here. Maybe it was because I started to be accosted by the Jehovah's Witnesses canvasing the neighborhood. I'm ALL about religious freedom but this pisses me off because it was the same group who told me weeks ago that my family wasn't strong until we joined up with them. These people blocked my path and tried to talk to me & hand me pamphlets. I was RUNNING!! WTF??
Anyway...when I stopped at my porch to get water & GU, Chris came out front to check on me and I burst out crying. I knew I didn't have too much more to do but I had thought I had "hit the wall". Oh no - this is not what hitting the wall feels like.
I kept going. I was glad this last loop was going to be shorter so it would be a different route. To be honest, at this point I was walking more than running. The top of my right foot hurt again like last week. I just had no steam. But mile 16.75 is where I actually "hit the wall". My legs just stopped moving. I came to a dead stop. I groaned and fought back another round of tears. I was not about to call home for a ride when I had a mile more to go. No way. I got moving at the slowest pace I think I have ever moved. I wouldn't even quite call it walking. Whatever it was - it got me home.
My fingers are crossed that next week goes a little smoother.

Week 9 Done!

After making the decision last week to swap weeks I thought maybe I had made a bad move. I didn't take into account that it was my first official week back to school. Getting into a the early wake up routine is tough!!
I got my weekday runs in though...it's going to be rough keeping up my energy in order to do my runs around 5pm. Looks like I may start drinking a cup of coffee in the afternoon!
Anxiety started to set in for Sunday's long run. I fought it off - no way was I going to play these head games.
A teammate & I were planning on doing the run together but logistics with kids didn't work out this week so we decided to do it on our own - we'll try again next week.
Weather forecast: RAIN. Damn it.  I started out at 9am - no rain yet just cloudy skies. Drizzle started about 2 miles in but there are so many trees in the neighborhood so I barely felt them. I was keeping up my forced walk breaks. I was running 12 min. miles for 6 minutes then walk break for 2. I was having a hard time keeping my walks at a consistent pace. And then something funny happened....my watch started beeping. I was running so I knew I wasn't going too slow - I figured the battery was about to die but I looked anyway. I WAS GOING TOO FAST!! Umm...what?? I was running a 10 min mile!! I slowed down real quick.
First pit stop - GU, a few good sized sips of water, potty break and a gatorade G2 to take with me.
Miles 4-8 were amazing. I was really strong. I gave up on paying strict attention to the walk/run ratio....I kind of just got a feel for the time so I stuck with that. The rain was coming & going. And when it was coming it was a steady rain.
Another pit stop....
Miles 8-12....equally as good. My energy was high and everything felt good. Except for the top of my right foot. It almost felt like my shoe was tied too tight - however I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
Miles 12-15.63....not as strong but there was no crying. I didn't even whimper! When I took my walk breaks (which were a little more frequent), I could feel the tightness in my legs. Hey - at least they held up this long!
My run came to an end with me close to sprinting the last 1/2 miles thanks to the downpour!! I was soaked and freezing. Worried about my ipod & cell phone. I just hauled ass home.
Walked in the door and realized just how soaked I was. Luckily Chris was home so out came the towels....and the icepacks. My legs felt weird. My right ankle was on fire - right in the front where it curves to the top of your foot. Lots of ice - and elevation. And Advil. It's feeling ok right now but I feel I'm stomping around the house instead of walking my usual graceful way :)
'Til next week....

Week 8 Done...sort of

OK - I made an "executive decision" this week. I was feeling really run down - a little low on energy but more achey & sore & tired. My right ankle felt stiff and my calves were hurting even when I tried to go to the basement to switch laundry.
Because of this, I was having a hard time staying mentally positive and confident during my runs - which by the way turned more into walks. I do walk quite fast though - 13:45 min.
The thought of a long run was making me want to cry. I decided to look ahead to next week's training and I saw that next week is more of a rest/recovery week  - basically just easier on the miles. Maybe this is not "allowed" but I made the decision to swap this week & next week. Then I see that my teammate, Sharon, ran 20 miles (AWESOME!!)...and Liz & Patrick came out for the weekend and Liz went out and ran 12 miles Sunday morning (VERY COOL)...which only made me feel like crap that I wasn't sticking to schedule. BUT I reminded myself that this is mental AND physical. Considering the pattern of the week it's safe to say my long run would've been crappy. And my legs really, really were just crying for me to take it easy. I'm sticking with my decision and I'm just not going to feel guilty about it.
OH! I just realized that I had been bringing all my stuff back to school (yes - I got recontracted). What you may not realize is that I park my car in the basement garage and my classroom is on the third floor. Just to go from my car to my class is 75 steps one way!! I did this up & down about 10 times on Tuesday while carrying boxes....Wednesday & Thursday I also was up & down just not as often. When school starts officially I'll be up & down a ton - which is great for my legs but I think it was a shock to my legs after the summer off. Perhaps that's why my legs feel beat up this week....The good news is that my butt/hamstring don't really hurt anymore. Maybe a little but not too bad. Right now it's my calves.
I also have another theory....since I'm following the Galloway strategy,  which is coming up with a ratio that works for you of running and walking, I had been doing 5 min run/2 min fast walk...but then I increased it to 6 min run/2 min walk...I'm planning on increasing about 30 seconds of run time each week until Marathon day. ANYWAY - the trick with this strategy is that you have to take time to work on walking since different muscles are worked harder. I haven't really been doing that all that much except during my walk breaks. I haven't set aside a day to be a walk day. So maybe since this week turned into more walking than running my legs are feeling it.
Or maybe I just need a little rest.

Week 7 DONE!!

Wow - I cannot believe I just completed 13.5 MILES!! Unbelievable.
I'm not even phased really by the runs during the week - they range from 4-6 miles about...if I'm tired or sinusy then of course they feel like a big deal but in reality they are nothing.
Today was truly amazing. I had very little anxiety to start which was good. I felt strong until about mile 7 when the hunger kicked in and the energy started to fade. My legs were feeling a little heavy too. But here's what worked...
1. Visualization. Each inhale I visualized the oxygen working through my body - not just going into my lungs. The oxygen was flowing all the way down to my toes and with each breath the heaviness in my legs started to go away.
2. Perspective. This had two variations. The first perspective was me remembering if I could go through childbirth TWICE then I can for damn sure move my feet one in front of the other for three friggin' hours. When that thought process stopped working it was just about the time my wedding song came on the ipod. Bob Marley - I'm Still Waiting. Almost instantly a sob formed in my throat but I fought it back which made me struggle to catch my breath. How am I doing this run - mentally bitching & complaining - when 4 years ago this time of year Chris was enduring treatment for a brain tumor. Radiation, Chemo, Avastin, Full-time work, a 2 1/2 year old, a new born and lunatic me - ALL that and almost no bitching & complaining.
What a wake up call??? Who do I think I am?? Shut up and do it. That got me through the rest of the way.
I do this for Chris. I need this awareness & research to happen. I can't imagine my life without him and "Ya Gotta Believe" I'm going to bust my ass doing everything I can to make sure brain tumors are a thing of the past.
Thanks for the ongoing support!
Kim
PS - I won a VIP Pass to the Crowdrise/NYRR pre-marathon tent!!! I have a good feeling about this!

Week 6 DONE

Wow - week 6 done. Phew. My runs during the week were a little out of order but I still got in a 4.3, 4.85 and a 6.3....plus today's long run of 12.3. Amazing...and so few tears.
To be totally honest, I had some fear. It's the most I've ever done and I let self-doubt get into my head. But with a little mental boost from Coach Kevin and my husband, Chris, calming me down I felt like I could get through it. Until this morning.
I was amped up with anxiety. I was pacing around deep breathing...until I finally said, "Screw it" and tackled the 12.3 miles. I kept up my 6 min run/2 min walk until mile 11.5 then I felt drained. I was fighting back the tears but there was no way I was going to quit. I walk/shuffled/jogged the last bit at a super fast walk/super slow jog pace until the end.
I don't even want to talk about how long it took. Well - ok, I think it was a little more than 2.5 hours.
My body hurts. My calves are tight, my feet are achey, my hamstrings are about to pop out of my skin, my hips may need a replacement and my butt better freakin' shrink.
Thanks for all the continued support!

Update!

I know you all have been dying to ask so let me fill you in...
The treadmill is OUT of my bedroom and in the garage!! YEAH! I kind of can't wait for a chilly rainy day when I can run out there and just watch the rain fall without getting soaked.
I'm sure you're all feeling at peace now :)

Week 5

This will be brief - I'm tired.
The week back from vacation SUCKED - in terms of training. I got it done though. First run back on Tuesday was brutal - somehow I managed 4.25 but it wasn't fun and it wasn't pretty. But as the week went on I managed to step it up and not feel like crying.
Yoga on Friday was amazing - my legs needed a stretch out for sure.
Today was my long run. I like to do it 1st thing Saturday to get it out of the way. I spent Friday night worrying about it...and then coming downstairs to do some bizarre archaic mathematical equations to predict my marathon timing. No joke - when I showed Chris in the morning he was laughing at me. Somehow I managed to predict 5.5 hours. Don't ask how I got this - I couldn't even begin to explain.
I was having some tummy issues and although beautiful out - I decided to treadmill it. I was so anxious I wanted to have the visual countdown. The treadmills at the gym have a preset time limit so if you want to go longer you have to keep restarting.
I somehow completed 11 miles. It was not fun. It was far from a pretty sight. Up to mile 9 was not problem - and then my legs became lead. I could barely move them. It was worse when I took a walk break but I just couldn't keep running - I was so beat. I could have easily hit stop and really - who would know? But no way am I doing that. I finished. I stretched. I got in my car - called Chris told him to make me a PB&J, got home, ate, iced my throbbing leg, took a hot shower and cried.
I am in over my head is what I was crying. Chris stood there and was like, "You are out of your mind. Some days you think 3 is too much...today you pounded out 11. You will be in the moment, you'll have adrenaline pumping, who cares how long you take?? You're doing an amazing job. Stop being SO negative."
Damn him - he's right.
I need to sleep and rest my tired body.

Week 4 done?

Well - week 4 took place on vacation in Florida. Hutchinson Island to be exact. Had an excellent time - beautiful weather!
I experimented with aqua jogging. I tried both deep water and chest high water. It is quite a workout. My legs are still tired! So let's say it was a day for me to run 4 miles - that would take me close to an hour so I aqua-jogged for an hour instead. I was mindful of keeping my pace up but if I noticed myself slow down I threw in a few minute sprint.
I also swam laps daily.
And I did close to 5 miles on land. Hot as friggin hell with like 90% humidity.
I also did my best to eat well...even at different restaurants for dinner I made healthy selections.
Now - for my long run of the week. I didn't get to it Saturday - last day of vacation and trying to cram things in. No excuse - but that's just reality. Sunday morning we left for the 24 hour car ride. My intention was to arrive back in NJ Monday morning, take a quick nap and then get my long run in. Upon arriving home, I felt like a train hit me. I had only managed a few hours - like 3 - of interrupted sleep during our journey. Crammed in the backseat with both kids! I felt dizzy and just off. I feel guilty for not managing the run but it's pretty obvious that if I even attempted it, it would have been a disaster.
I'm glad I added that week of wiggle room to my marathon countdown.
Tomorrow I will continue on Week 5. I'm thrown off a day so I'm looking at Tuesday, Wednesday & Thursday runs - with a good, long run on Saturday. Tuesday & Thursday I will also add in weight training. Friday I'll do yoga.
I'm getting nervous. But I'm also proud of myself.

Week 3 DONE

Excellent week of running. Finished up the 3rd week of the countdown with an 8.6 mile long run! I spent last night re-reading the Galloway book so I decided that for my long run I would stick to a plan - I did the first 4 miles as 4 minute run, 1 minute walk....the last half I did 6 minute run, 1 minute walk. Felt great!!!
I did start the run feeling nervous...I'm not really sure way - sometimes my mind doesn't work on logic. But I took a deep breath and just did it. It only took a few minutes to get rid of the butterflies.
My leg is a little sore so I'm icing it but nothing horrible.
Oh - and it's not the triple berry GU that is 2x the caffeine...it's Jet Blackberry. Delicious.

We're heading out on our road trip early tomorrow morning. I'll be sitting in the car for close to 24 hours...I'll be sure to do some light stretching at every stop we make.
I'll be in Florida all of next week but I will be getting my runs done for sure.

Have a great week everyone!

Week 2 DONE

Yes! I'm plugging along...after a run down feeling week - I managed to get my required runs in. And my long run today was GREAT. 7.3 miles strong!! I ran more then I walked. I kept within my pace time frame.
I did try something different which I think worked so I will continue to experiment with. I drank 2 servings of coconut water about 30 minutes before my run - chock full of potassium. Then about 3 miles into my run I tried a new flavor GU gel (well, new for me!) - Triple Berry 2x Caffeine. Tasted great! And gave me the push I needed. My digestion held up too :)
What I'm working on now is coming up with a good diet plan so I can continue to fuel the body but at the same time drop some poundage. And since I don't eat meat - this is becoming a pain in the ass. I logged a sample daily meal plan on sparkpeople - I entered in the foods I normally eat during the school year since they're easy for me...and of course, it's the stuff I like to eat. Came to only 840 calories. WTF???? So I played around and added a few things but I'm only coming up to 1250 calories but it looks like a lot of food. I don't know - I'm going to keep playing with it. Or maybe I'll just increase the quantity of the foods I entered in. I do know that although the calories are too low - I did manage to distribute my carbs, protein & fats properly.
That's all for now. It's hot as balls so I'm going to jump in the pool and splash around like a little kid.

Week 1....and other stuff

I started the 16 weeks of training (even though there were 17 weeks - I wanted a week of wiggle room for the unexpecteds). Although I have been running relatively consistently anyway - I felt that this would provide me with a little chart that I could use to cross off the days as I complete them.
This is an "easy" week. It was more of a mental challenge to stay on that damn treadmill for more than 5 minutes. I really hate the treadmill. BUT there is one positive aspect of it - when I do run outside, the same length that would be torture on a treadmill doesn't seem as horrible outside.
I also have this really great idea (if you know me - you know that when I say I have an idea it's probably something not as easy as I make it sound!). I want to take my treadmill from my bedroom and move it to the garage/studio so I open up space in my bedroom - and when it's raining, snowing, icy, etc - I can open up the garage & run. What's not easy about this? Well - the treadmill weighs about 5 million pounds so we have to get it from the 2nd floor to the back of the backyard. It also requires a re-org of the garage/studio. Chris paints out there so the back 1/2 is his studio the front half is crap.
Oh - and I saw Food, Inc. last night. Let's just say that the mental lunacy that I was trying to keep at bay was pushed to the limit last night. Which means that although I had cut out all meat except free-range chicken & fish out of my diet quite a few years ago - I will now be cutting chicken out too. There is some gross shit going on out there - know where your food comes from. Luckily, Trader Joe's has a good selection of low political involvement food...we're also joining the produce co-op so I'm sure I'll be getting creative with kale.
I don't like to get all preachy about the humane treatment of animals - you eat what you want, I'll eat what I want. BUT the next time you go buy your USDA Grade A beef or Tyson chicken breasts - think about where it came from. Don't fool yourself thinking it came from some little family farm like on Charlotte's Web...

Skirts

I think the running skirt I bought was made for either A) people who don't actually run in them or B) people with no thighs.
I had a feeling this one wasn't going to work out too well for me. The skirt part is fine - it's the shorts underneath that are not. They are too loose and at a weird length...and given the fact that I do, in fact, have thighs - this created a fashion disaster. My hand was basically up my skirt the whole 4 miles trying to stop the skirt from riding up. And the more I sweat - the harder it was to pull them down.
So now I know this will just not work.
My new sneakers, on the other hand, are awesome! I didn't get the same pair I had been running in but I got ones that are very similar just a little lighter. I'm getting the back of the left ankle bleed but that will go away once they're broken in a bit. I remember my last pair having bloody socks for about 2 weeks straight.
About 16.5 weeks to go. I'm feeling quite nervous. I'm sticking to my schedule...I'm eating well. I'm not in self-sabotage mode. But this is a huge thing to attempt to tackle - and I have a major fear of failure.
I've been slacking off with writing, I know. Don't worry - as the training gets harder - and November 7th gets closer - you'll be hearing a whole lot of potty mouth from me. I promise.

Women's 10k!

Awesome day!
Got to meet a few Team McGraw teammates! Nice to finally meet in person.
Didn't really have too many jitters - went to bed repeating to myself that I CAN do it and I WILL do it.
An amazing experience to run with over 8,000 women! The weather was great and the vibes were all good.
I took very few walk breaks - ran the first 2 miles straight except to slow down for a few sips of water. I was a little worried since my leg started a minor throb walking to the race from the car. But it held strong - not pain free but minor...until Mile 5. That's when the discomfort really kicked in. I changed my stride and it helped for a bit and then I just gritted my teeth, turned up the music and went the rest of the way. Iced it as soon as I got home...then took a hot shower and it really loosened up.
So fun!
I needed a race like that. And I will most definitely be doing it again next year.
I am woman - hear me roar!

Crappy Ass Run

Horrible. The WORST both mentally and physically. And sadly, there is nobody to blame but myself. Here's what I learned: I'm out of shape, I'm not young anymore, I'm not consistent, I'm a quitter.
The out of shape thing and the consistency part go together. I'm out of shape because I'm not consistent. I'm not consistent because I let EVERYTHING get in my way. So I get a pink slip and instead of using that to fuel me - I use that as an excuse to be a slacker.
I'm not young anymore. I stayed up too late last night and drank too much. Drank too much the night before a run...and a run on the heels of me being a slacker. Woke up early to make sure I would have time for a little caffeine, some fluids and a bit of bagel. Didn't leave enough time to sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes with non-stop poop. So now we're running a bit late and there is no immodium in the house and no time to stop. I'm just going to hope for the best.
Get to the race and my stomache is cramping and rolling. I get my tag and bag of goodies and walk over to the t-shirt table. So I'm hungover and feeling like crap and the guy says, "Extra Large?" Um, no. Thanks for adding to my misery. I think I can fit into a medium. At this point - Chris was wise enough to just walk away from me because he knew an all out meltdown was close by. We tag up and head outside where it's gotta be like 100 degrees with blazing sun and "Cotton Eye Joe!" CRANKIN. Is this for real?
I decide that I'm just going to walk the race but you know that everyone started running so I have to run too. I'm not even to mile ONE and I feel like I'm going to barf, poop, pass out -you name it. But what am I going to do - just stop?? So I keep going. There are NO water stops along the way. WHO THE FUCK SET THIS RACE UP?? IT'S 90DEGREES OUTSIDE! Luckily - some residents and business owners started handing out cups of water or hot bottles of water. Thank you! Every time I jogged my belly rumbled so I walked. And sweat. I really think I was on the edge of dehydration (and yes Coach - I DID just read your blog about running smart in the heat but I'm an idiot). I pass the family cheering section - all I wanted to do was yell "Why are you even wasting your time cheering for me??? LOOK AT ME!" But it's not my kids' fault I'm an idiot.
This race will not end. It's 5k but I swear it felt like 20k. Finally - I see the finish line WAY up ahead. I see Chris (hasn't run in 2 years but finished in like 30 min) & Liz (probably finished in like 15 minutes) yelling to me & waving - I yell at them to just stop. 15 feet from the finish line I hang a left and head to the car crying. What's the point of crossing that line - I saw the clock. I know my shitty time. And I don't need to be crawling over that fucking line.
Not good. Not good at all.
I have never quit anything but a job. I don't like it. I feel like a loser.
So now you know I am weak. But also know that I'm committed to something and begged people to donate to me so it's time to get my shit together. 160 days - it's time to kick it into high gear.

It's been a while...

Sorry y'all. I haven't really had much to say. I'm just plugging away but not really feeling like I'm making much progress. I'll just keep at it.
So I've been sticking to my weight training - I've got a decent routine so it's going well. And of course I'm sticking with my running. I've lightened up a little bit on the distance - didn't want to push it too much while I was waiting to get to the physical therapist. Since I was ahead with my training anyway - I decided to play it safe and go back about 2 weeks. So really - I just cut my long run back about 2 miles. Maybe it wasn't the right move but for me it feels like the right move so I'm happy with my decision. I'm also sticking with the 4 min run, 2 min walk - pretty easy and I feel like I could go on forever.
I went to the physical therapist last night for the first time. I basically got electro-shock therapy to my ass. Kind of weird...little electric things were put on my butt cheek and my hamstring - then he cranked them up AND put a heating pad on me. Sat like that for a bit - and then he stretched me out. I'm really flexible and the pain can really only be reproduced while walking or running (or standing for a long time) so I'm not feeling too good that my insurance is going to cover additional visits. Cheapos. But I was given some specific stretches and I've got the foam rollers to use at the gym so we'll see what happens. I do have another appointment tomorrow night so...
Oh - and the one thing I learned was that there is no way I should be using the elliptical now. Fine with me since I don't really care for it anyway but apparently it's not good for my hips.
Also - I got a new iPod for Mother's Day!! Yeah! I loved my old one but in comparison it didn't hold much music. Plus now I also have a radio for those times when my music just isn't cutting it. I really do have quite eclectic taste in music. And now I can also listen to audiobooks - never have before but I'm going to give it a try.
I've got a local 5k coming up Memorial Day. Should be fun - Chris is going to run with me...and Liz too I think. We're going to run past Chris' cousin's so they will cheer us on while watching the kids then we'll all go back there for some beers and BBQ.
After that I've got the 10K Women's run in Central Park. Should be awesome to run with a few Team McGraw teammates!!
As of right now there are 180 days and I'm SCARED. Truly scared.

Just things....

Today I did a 5k. I had fun. Do I really need to say more? I peed like 20 times before the start, I collected a bunch of freebies (my favorite being the Aquafina hydrating lip oil!), had my hubby & kids with me to send me off and cheer me on and congratulate when I finished (run-on sentence, I know), beat my time, gained some confidence at getting to the start line alone, conquered a major hill (I swear this thing was VERTICAL!), etc, etc, etc.
Seriously - I had a great day. My digestive system has been a little weird lately thanks to stress...but I didn't really have any jitters so all was good. One thing that was slightly annoying was the confusion over the start line but whatever - eventually, we all started. So - the clock read exactly 38 minutes when I crossed the finish line. MY time was probably more like 34 minutes by the time I personally crossed the confusing start line. I also attempted to calibrate my watch again but I think that didn't work so well - will do it on the treadmill at the gym.

The gym

I joined the gym.
In my past life (that would be life before kids), I enjoyed going to the gym. I was relatively consistent too. I was a big fan of Body For Life/Bill Phillips - I entered a couple of challenges yet never submitted my completed package since I really didn't feel I made big progress.
Then came the kids. And the fat. Not that I have EVER been thin but I've always been pretty healthy.
So now that I've bitten off more then I can chew with the marathon - I'm going full force. I want to do a bit of weight training and with the summer coming up I'll have some time on my hands so maybe I can take a few classes here & there.
Step one at the gym is to have a nurse check you out - Hey! I'm not fat anymore! And my BMI is all good..and my body is hydrated well (thank you coconut water).
Step two - meet with a trainer. Apparently I have excellent balance, good core strength, great flexibility....but my neck is tight. Ummm - if you lived my life wouldn't your neck be tight too?
I'm meeting with him again tomorrow morning - he's coming up with a 6 week plan for me. And he's excited to match it up with my marathon training. I'm guessing that 2-3 days a week I will do weight training and the rest I will run...with a day of rest of course.
This is all part of joining this gym - he's not MY personal trainer. I figured what the hell - if I have to shell out $$ for the registration fee I should take everything they offer.
He suggested I think about HIIT - High intensity interval training. I could do this 1-2 days a week. Told him I would think about it for summer time. Of course, that's another $250. But then again - in the summer I'll be looking for things to do so maybe it's worth a try. I could do my weekday runs EARLY to beat the heat, then head to the gym with the kids (there is a play room) - the HIIT program is only 20-30 minutes.
OH - and there is no treadmill time limit so on those stupid humid days when you can't even breathe, I can run there.
There is also a pool but I probably won't use it. Although surviving the marathon could lead to triathlons. Yeah right. Well really, who knows. I could be turning into a whole new person here.

Treat your body with respect!

PS - Every time I type the word "Marathon" I accidentally put a "g" on the end. Does that mean that my subconscious thinks one day I will be walking along a beach in a thong? Ha - it makes me laugh every time.

Hurdle

This morning I set out to overcome a mental hurdle. After last weekend's bullshit with me freaking myself out so much that I couldn't even think about doing the 15k - I was determined to conquer it this weekend.
One minor road block was that I hadn't been able to put much time into my weekly runs - not because I didn't want to but because I had the nasty cough/chest cold my kids had the week before. Still, I was determined.
I set out around 10am this morning. My spibelt filled with GU, tissues, & chapstick. My ipod sort of charged. 2 miles in and I thought, "This is a mistake. You've barely run this week. You're coughing like crazy still...finish the first 3+ miles then call it quits". But then my multiple personality disorder kicked in and I said, "Fuck it. There is always going to be something that COULD hold you back." So I "manned up" and just kept going. I had to make a pit stop at home real quick to pee after about 3.5 miles but I went right back to it. The GU wasn't nasty this time and it defnitely gave me the energy I needed. I kept checking my watch. I knew I was taking more frequent walk breaks but really, who cares? I was doing the best I could even though I was coughing a lot.
I'm happy to say that I completed a little over 9 miles in just over 2 hours. My average pace was a 13.5 min/mile....my runs were around 12 ish my walks were around 14 ish. My alarm only went "ding, ding, ding" twice and that was when I tried to pull a tissue out without ripping it.
There were no tears and no limping. My leg hurts a bit now but now too bad.
Now for the big decision. Do I run the Rutgers half with my Team McGraw teammate on April 18th or is that pushing it too far, too fast?? I don't want to set myself up for failure but I also don't want to be a wuss. And it would be a HUGE confidence booster.
What are your thoughts???

Mental Strength

Apparently I have none.
The jitters started early and they just wouldn't stop. I'm so pissed at myself.
Perhaps this is too much info for you so if Poop makes you uncomfortable - stop reading this post.
I have my routine. If I miss my "window" I'm miserable. So I was quite happy when I woke up at 6:30am and felt the need to go. Yes! I'm done - Now I won't have to worry about it. WRONG. As the time came closer to leave the hotel and head to the park - I pooped every 10 minutes. You gotta be kidding me. But what could I do - we headed out and I just hoped I wouldn't actually have to make an emergency pit stop in a port-a-potty.
It was pointed out to me that I was unusually quiet. Sadly, I was letting myself get into my head and scramble things around. The rest of the girls were going to be doing the 4 miler....my start time was an hour and 15 minutes LATER - kind of weird. That means I would be standing around for that long all by myself, freaking myself out. I went up to one of the NYRR volunteers and asked if I could do the other race - apparently it didn't matter which one but once you start one - you can't run both.
After a little internal fighting, I decided to just do the 4 miler. According to my watch, it's longer than that but whatever. I finished well. I found a woman I considered my pacer - she was taking short walk breaks and was running a speed I was comfortable with so I either kept her in my sights or knew she wasn't too far behind me.
As I was starting to round the last bend - I saw Chris, the kids and Emme looking for me and a little bit further up was the finish line. I was at a good steady jog but my pacer was walking. I slowed down, waited for her to get close, tugged her sleeve and said, "Let's go pacer - we're running in together!" She started laughing but got back to running with me.
BUT.....once I crossed that finish line I KNEW I could've gone further. Damn it.
I felt kind of bummed out for a while and yes, I know this is shocking, but I was acting like a total bitch. Disappointment does not bring out the best in me.
My digestion was still doing somersaults so in reality, if I had been allowed to carry on - there would have been an emergency stop.
Although really pissed off at myself, I'm going to consider this a learning experience. I know I have to sign up for a bunch of races during my training in order to practice handling the jitters and build up my confidence. And I should probably carry immodium (thank you, Patrick, for running out of lunch to go get me some so I could eat!).
Next weekend I WILL be running 9 miles - and even though I'll be on my own, I WILL finish within the time limit that was posted for today. Shouldn't be a problem since, according to my watch, when I'm jogging I fluctuate between a 10 min/mile and 12 min/mile...my walk break are 13 min/miles and when I slow down to sip some water I'm around 15 min/mile.
I'm going to look into hypnosis to help overcome my nerves.

Do you GU?

As stated earlier - I am doing this right. I am taking care of myself as best as I can yet pushing myself. With the hopes of continuing with this - it's time to start experimenting with GU or similar. I don't really need it just yet on my long runs since they aren't incredibly long but it's best to test the belly out now.
Stopped at the local running store and stocked up on a couple things to try. And picked up a spibelt too-holds my tissues, GU, chapstick!
Saturday - I run/walk about 6 miles and half way through try a GU gel in orange burst (with caffeine). NASTY. NASTY. NASTY. Like thick baby aspirin. BUT I felt great (until a few hours later when I had some bad heartburn).
Sunday - 8.4 miles. GU Chomps in orange (no caffeine). These I liked. BUT I think I could've used the caffeine. To be honest - I think I let my fear of unknown mileage get the best of me. This is the most I've ever gone. I was excited yet anxious at the same time. 3 miles in and I wasn't at my best. I was walking more then running. My head games were going strong and I had some serious doubt that I would be completing the goal amount for the day. I eat the chomps and just keep going. The tears are threatening to come but since it's such a beautiful day there are a ton of people out and about and I'll be damned if people see me cry about this. 6 miles in, there is no way in freakin' hell I'm finishing today, no way I'm finishing the 15k coming up and no way I'm doing the marathon. WTF was I thinking?!?! I'm in pain, my walk breaks are SLOW. I can barely jog. I decide that when I get to my street I will look down to see if our friends have arrived yet. If they have, I'm calling it a day...if their car is not there then I will somehow keep going. Their car is not there. SON OF A BITCH!! A sob escapes my mouth - it probably takes more effort for me to hold it back then to just let it all out.
7 miles in and I pass 2 guys - they say hello and I barely croak out a hi. There is no way I can do this. This is where some serious mantra kicks in "Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker". If you live in the neighborhood and you heard me, I'm sorry but it's all that was coming to mind at the moment. Then a song I usually skip over came on. I would like to thank Incubus for being there when I needed it most. I think the song is called Transmissions. The tears just came, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. walk walk...limp, limp, limp. Song ends and I realize I don't have far to go. I start joggin, walking, limping...I'M HOME. I DID IT!!
Walk in the door- Chris says "Blau!" I say "How you like me now?!" (this is something that gets stuck in my head after almost every run) and then I burst out crying.
2 advil and 10 minutes with an ice pack then a hot shower and I'm good as new!

Slow & Steady

This past weekend had some ups & downs. Saturday I was feeling good but it was slippery out so I thought it best to do my run on the treadmill. Which I hate. It was long run day so I was shooting for about 6 miles. The treadmill for me is a form of torture. I hopped on trying to be all positive but that didn't last long. I just couldn't do it. 3 miles into it and I quit. I vowed that the long run would take place the next day OUTSIDE.
Sunday morning comes around and it's cold - but the sun is shining so I bundle myself up. When I run outside, I run in my neighborhood. I have a few routes I take and depending on how far I have to go - I piece them together in order to hit my grand total. I like this plan because 1. I know that I will pass by my house after the first loop in case I need the potty 2. If I get injured or something I'm near home 3. If I start feeling like I have to quit I just tell myself that I can make my decision when I get near home - I have never actually quit while outside.
I hit the streets and I'm not even a mile into it and I feel miserable. I feel like I'm going to slip and get hurt, I feel like a total spaz. I keep alternating between running & walking but I seem to be spending more time walking. This is just messing with my confidence. I keep "talking to myself" in my head - convincing myself that it's ok to stop early....and no it's not ok to stop early. Honestly, I think this happens during my first mile no matter what. I finally find my groove - mentally - even though I seem to be spending more time walking. I finish my first 3 mile loop and I hit my next jog when all of a sudden it doesn't feel so bad. I realize that my walk is not much slower than my jog and if I don't lose steam walking then why should I lose steam jogging?? This mind game works because I opt to not make my usual right turn but to go straight. I haven't gone this way in well over a year so really I can't quite remember where this leads...Ahh...that's right, it's a little further out then I thought. Oh well - this is what you get for doubting yourself at the beginning. By the time I got home I felt great.
I KNOW I could've done another loop but I'm going slow & steady. I'm not rushing into this and I've got nothing to prove early on. Well - actually, I have a lot to prove but that's to myself.
I'm not a runner. I never have been. Even in like middle school when I was in shape - put me in a sprint no problem; ask me to run a mile and I would laugh. Running has always scared me for whatever reason. But I'm getting used to it.
I listen to my music - yet I stay completely in tune to my body. This is a learning experience for me and I'm learning a lot.

Keeping at it...

On Sunday, I was so pleased with my Saturday run/walk/crawl that I decided to take advantage of the weather and go for a nice brisk walk in the sunshine. According to my training schedule - I should have gone for a walk on Friday but I skipped Friday altogether so I counted that as my rest day and went for the walk on Sunday. I walked 2.87 miles at a good pace - probably averaged about 14 min/mile. Listened to some music that I normally skip over while trying to go a faster pace. I have to say - it was hard to not pick up the pace and start jogging.

About 2 hours after the walk, I found myself lying on the floor close to tears. My leg hurt so bad. I took a few Advil and that seemed to calm things down a bit. Chris then used the massage stick and the elbow trick that Emme (his sister) was kind enough to teach us. In all of 5 minutes my leg felt great...30 minutes later - it was like my leg never had pain!

Monday morning rolls around and still no leg pain. The massage is the way to go! My food on Wednesday was back to my weird food. I'm sticking with my bizarre lemon drink, yogurt, granola, flax seeds, veggie burgers. And my daily cup of coffee of course. 45 minutes of Vinyasa yoga after work - my arms thanked me and my legs felt good & stretched out.

Tuesday - So, so tired. The morning was a little hectic so I didn't get to drink that extra 1/2 mug of coffee I usually have - could that little amount really be what's making me So tired? Also had some digestive issues today. But I'm not going to make up excuses so I hopped on the treadmill and put in 2 miles. Still on target with my schedule. Weird food again but instead of veggie burger we had faux meat tacos...taco shell, a little rice, faux meat, lettuce, tomato, oh so delicious taco sauce and greek yogurt instead of sour cream. Delicious.

And a little note to my fat cells that so desperately want to be my friends for life:
Although I'm normally not a mean person, I'm tired of you. You bring me down and make me feel like shit. I don't think it's a good idea for us to spend time together anymore. I don't think it's fair that I keep making excuses for your behavior and you sit on the sidelines smirking. I know I've been shocking you lately so I hope you realize you have no choice but to take this seriously. It's time for you to go. I just cannot see myself hiding behind you anymore. I need to feel the way I used to when you weren't a part of my life. I also think you're slowing me down and that's pissing me off. So - although we have been together for the last few years, it's time we went our separate ways. Good bye.

Feed me some Vitamin D!!

After spending Friday night feeling crappy about myself and just having an overwhelming amount of self doubt, I vowed to wake up and get over it. I needed to figure out a way to get this negativity far, far away from me.
Luckily, I woke up to a beautiful spring like day (well, 45 degrees but close enough to spring when everything is covered in that cold/frozen white crap that I just don't want to discuss anymore!). Had my coffee, made the kids pancakes, had 2 mandarin oranges & 2 silver dollar pancakes without syrup and hit the streets. I wore my Team McGraw t-shirt since it's a source of inspiration for me and a reminder that this is not about me.
Less then a mile into it, a guy in a BMW truck pulls up "Hey, I saw you running and just wanted to say great job and you are an inspiration to me...I haven't run in years!" etc, etc, etc. OK - so my first thought was "ok dude 1. I had to stop my groove to talk to you 2. I'm not getting in the car with you....turns out he lives in my neighborhood and is an actor (we checked his website and he's been on Law & Order"). Ok - back into the groove.
Wait - another interruption ahead. Three guys each walking a dog spread out across the entire street blocking my passage. Oh come on!! As I'm getting closer, I see the dog on the left is a pit bull, middle dog is about 4 ft. tall and the cutest friggin thing ever, dog on the right a little yapper who would probably nip at my feet....which way to go??? I chose the pit bull direction - which means I had to break my groove again to get a few sloppy kisses (from the dog, not the sketchy guy)..I head on my way about 2 feet when the guy decides to talk to me - problem was that I had my ipod on and quite frankly, I just didn't feel like talking so I just smiled, said bye to the pups and took off.
I avoided all ice, wet road, gravel, itchy balls, acorns, etc. And every time I burst through the shade into a patch of sun I turned into a lizard. My face just gravitates towards those warm rays and the smile spread across my face. Yup - I hate winter and I hate the depression it tries to pull me into. Sorry crappy cold, it ain't happening.
Finished my route, came home, blew my nose (forgot my damn tissues) and had an ice cold glass of coconut water...hot shower..and then some errands. I'm feeling back to myself.
My leg hurts still. But it just doesn't feel as bad when I'm outside. And it certainly doesn't feel as bad as when I'm stuck inside.
Since my battery died on my watch AND my footpod - I drove my route later on and found I did 5.4 miles. Not bad for my long run. I think 4 was my official training schedule distance but whatever. I jumped ahead a week and it felt good.

Accountable

So I think the best way for me to do this is to BORE the hell out of you by keeping you informed on my eating and my workouts. I'm not going to do this daily - most likely weekly - but just to get this started here it goes...
Yesterday (Monday 2/15/10) - I couldn't tell you what I ate since I can't remember. I do know that I had a veggie burger on an arnold sandwich thin and a veggie/spinach salad for dinner. And I ran 2 miles.

Today (Tuesday 2/16/10) - coffee w/fat free half & half, protein shake (125 calories), lowfat vanilla yogurt & small handfull of back to nature plain granola, 2 Tbls. of my weird lemon concoction in my water, 1/2 cantaloupe, 2 wasa crackers, 1 laughing cow cheese, 1/2 cup cabbage salad with apple cider vinegar dressing, another weird lemon concoction, a few grapes, 1 string cheese, veggie burger on toasted rye and veggie salad...and 2 chocolate chip cookies. In total I drank a little less then a gallon of water - this is my usual. OH! And I had about a cup of coconut water. I'm done for the night now.
50 minutes of Budokon. I love this - it's been a while and my hips are letting me know it's been too long.

Tomorrow I will eat about the same minus the chocolate chip cookies since there are none left. And no cabbage salad since another teacher brought it in for us and it's all gone. It's a run day so I'll be running about 2.5 miles.

Damn it. Get it together.

Excuses, excuses, excuses. It's cold, I'm fat, my leg hurts, I'm hot, I hate the treadmill, I don't want people judging the slow ass run (can you even call it running when you feel like you're barely moving??), I'm tired, It's dark.
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST DO IT. (If you don't know me well, I have extreme potty mouth at times).
OK - so I moved my treadmill again. This time so I can attempt to watch tv while I run...at least until that cold icy crap outside melts. One of my teammates runs with the tv so what the hell, I'll try it.
I continue to add to my playlist specifically for my running entertainment. I've got about 10.6 hours of music specifically for my runs/walks/whatever it is I do. I am really odd with my music selections.
I'm also in crunch mode (sort of) since the 15K is in 6 weeks. And the way I work is - if I'm signed up for something, then I'm going to DO IT and not just talk about it. NO WAY will I be the one person who doesn't pick up their tag and no way will I be the person who doesn't cross the finish line.
So - it looks like I should sign myself up for more races to keep me slacker free. AND join the gym so I'm obligated to go to some of the classes on cross-training days.
And Coach, if you read this, keep on me.

Barefoot...

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=123031997
I think the barefoot route is the way to go.
Even though my calves are still killing me it's obviously just soreness and not this deep tissue feeling discomfort.
What do you think? Am I nuts?
I'm going to try on the Vibram 5 Fingers sometime this week.

Shift of focus

OK! I have reached my goal and I am looking forward to seeing by how far it can be exceeded.
But now I can take my focus and shift it from fundraising to training. I'm still in a kind of base building. Taking those few weeks off really set me back. The break was to "rest" my leg but I guess it didn't work too well since my leg still freakin' hurts.
I tried running barefoot again tonight (on the treadmill of course!). I did this last summer and it worked well. I don't know - my leg still hurt but I don't think as much. My calves on the other hand were on FIRE. Why? Because when you run barefoot you run more on the balls of your feet - there is no heel strike.
Tomorrow is a day off then Saturday is my "long run". It's only about 4 miles or so this week - remember, I'm still base building. I add approximately one mile to my long run each week...and my runs during the week slowly increase.
Not looking for speed at all but I am aware that I am the slowest runner on the planet. I'm also following the Galloway strategy which means I take frequent walk breaks regardless of how long my run is supposed to be.

So much love!

I'm so excited by the showing of support! I still have a ways to go to reach 100% but to be able to get to 53% in about 2 days is shocking. Makes me breathe a little easier (especially since I personally pay the difference)...
I know a lot of people don't know the "story". It's not like it was a secret but it's also something that we just don't bring up usually. And when deciding on how to start fundraising I knew the writing would have to be persuasive (thank you Michelle!) but at the same time, I don't want people to feel obligated. But really, if you don't donate than you're an ass :)
Seriously, I don't like the pity thing so that's not what my goal was. I want people to realize that there are fights going on in this world that they are not aware of but this is their chance to do a little something to help out.
Thanks again for all the love & support. I'm an emotional person anyway but this keeps choking me up.

Layer upon layer

It's friggin cold.
2 pairs of running pants, 1 tank, 2 long sleeve running shirts, a heavy-duty hoodie, a hat, gloves, scarf and the most fabulous tube socks you've ever seen.
How was I even able to move? Not so well so I cut my run a tad short...forgot tissues, my face was ice cold and frozen and it was DARK. But I had to do it. So much better to have the fresh air hit my lungs.
After my little freak out last night - and then the rearranging of all the bedroom furniture in order to get the treadmill away from the radiator - I still was not able to run on the treadmill.
I DON'T GET ANYWHERE.
I will endure the friggin cold. At least I can do my long runs in the daylight.

Too cold. Too hot.

The temperature is killing me. It's just too cold for me to run outside - at 5pm. Plus it's dark so that's also not working for me - considering I'm a klutz and it's not the safest thing for me to be out running alone in the dark. I'm considering running with brass knuckles under my gloves just in case.

So I hop on my treadmill as soon as I get home from work. I made it .25 miles before I freaked out. See - although I don't like the freezing cold, I also don't like to run on the treadmill anymore... especially when HEAT is pumping from the radiator. I opt for going downstairs and walking around like a lunatic. Finally, Chris agrees to rearranging the entire bedroom. "Who cares if it looks like crap - you're running a friggin marathon". Right. Thanks for the reminder.

Tomorrow is another day. I will be running somewhere. It's only 2-3 miles so I think I can deal.