Slow & Steady

This past weekend had some ups & downs. Saturday I was feeling good but it was slippery out so I thought it best to do my run on the treadmill. Which I hate. It was long run day so I was shooting for about 6 miles. The treadmill for me is a form of torture. I hopped on trying to be all positive but that didn't last long. I just couldn't do it. 3 miles into it and I quit. I vowed that the long run would take place the next day OUTSIDE.
Sunday morning comes around and it's cold - but the sun is shining so I bundle myself up. When I run outside, I run in my neighborhood. I have a few routes I take and depending on how far I have to go - I piece them together in order to hit my grand total. I like this plan because 1. I know that I will pass by my house after the first loop in case I need the potty 2. If I get injured or something I'm near home 3. If I start feeling like I have to quit I just tell myself that I can make my decision when I get near home - I have never actually quit while outside.
I hit the streets and I'm not even a mile into it and I feel miserable. I feel like I'm going to slip and get hurt, I feel like a total spaz. I keep alternating between running & walking but I seem to be spending more time walking. This is just messing with my confidence. I keep "talking to myself" in my head - convincing myself that it's ok to stop early....and no it's not ok to stop early. Honestly, I think this happens during my first mile no matter what. I finally find my groove - mentally - even though I seem to be spending more time walking. I finish my first 3 mile loop and I hit my next jog when all of a sudden it doesn't feel so bad. I realize that my walk is not much slower than my jog and if I don't lose steam walking then why should I lose steam jogging?? This mind game works because I opt to not make my usual right turn but to go straight. I haven't gone this way in well over a year so really I can't quite remember where this leads...Ahh...that's right, it's a little further out then I thought. Oh well - this is what you get for doubting yourself at the beginning. By the time I got home I felt great.
I KNOW I could've done another loop but I'm going slow & steady. I'm not rushing into this and I've got nothing to prove early on. Well - actually, I have a lot to prove but that's to myself.
I'm not a runner. I never have been. Even in like middle school when I was in shape - put me in a sprint no problem; ask me to run a mile and I would laugh. Running has always scared me for whatever reason. But I'm getting used to it.
I listen to my music - yet I stay completely in tune to my body. This is a learning experience for me and I'm learning a lot.