Horrible. The WORST both mentally and physically. And sadly, there is nobody to blame but myself. Here's what I learned: I'm out of shape, I'm not young anymore, I'm not consistent, I'm a quitter.
The out of shape thing and the consistency part go together. I'm out of shape because I'm not consistent. I'm not consistent because I let EVERYTHING get in my way. So I get a pink slip and instead of using that to fuel me - I use that as an excuse to be a slacker.
I'm not young anymore. I stayed up too late last night and drank too much. Drank too much the night before a run...and a run on the heels of me being a slacker. Woke up early to make sure I would have time for a little caffeine, some fluids and a bit of bagel. Didn't leave enough time to sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes with non-stop poop. So now we're running a bit late and there is no immodium in the house and no time to stop. I'm just going to hope for the best.
Get to the race and my stomache is cramping and rolling. I get my tag and bag of goodies and walk over to the t-shirt table. So I'm hungover and feeling like crap and the guy says, "Extra Large?" Um, no. Thanks for adding to my misery. I think I can fit into a medium. At this point - Chris was wise enough to just walk away from me because he knew an all out meltdown was close by. We tag up and head outside where it's gotta be like 100 degrees with blazing sun and "Cotton Eye Joe!" CRANKIN. Is this for real?
I decide that I'm just going to walk the race but you know that everyone started running so I have to run too. I'm not even to mile ONE and I feel like I'm going to barf, poop, pass out -you name it. But what am I going to do - just stop?? So I keep going. There are NO water stops along the way. WHO THE FUCK SET THIS RACE UP?? IT'S 90DEGREES OUTSIDE! Luckily - some residents and business owners started handing out cups of water or hot bottles of water. Thank you! Every time I jogged my belly rumbled so I walked. And sweat. I really think I was on the edge of dehydration (and yes Coach - I DID just read your blog about running smart in the heat but I'm an idiot). I pass the family cheering section - all I wanted to do was yell "Why are you even wasting your time cheering for me??? LOOK AT ME!" But it's not my kids' fault I'm an idiot.
This race will not end. It's 5k but I swear it felt like 20k. Finally - I see the finish line WAY up ahead. I see Chris (hasn't run in 2 years but finished in like 30 min) & Liz (probably finished in like 15 minutes) yelling to me & waving - I yell at them to just stop. 15 feet from the finish line I hang a left and head to the car crying. What's the point of crossing that line - I saw the clock. I know my shitty time. And I don't need to be crawling over that fucking line.
Not good. Not good at all.
I have never quit anything but a job. I don't like it. I feel like a loser.
So now you know I am weak. But also know that I'm committed to something and begged people to donate to me so it's time to get my shit together. 160 days - it's time to kick it into high gear.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I was totally laughing as I read your post. Laughing WITH you, for sure!
ReplyDeleteWe've all had crappy runs. We've all run despite not taking good care of ourselves. We've all screwed up.
And, um, yeah - who the hell sets up a Memorial Day race without water stations? Really?
{{Hugs}} Count this one as a learning experience. You can only do better from here :)