Apparently I have none.
The jitters started early and they just wouldn't stop. I'm so pissed at myself.
Perhaps this is too much info for you so if Poop makes you uncomfortable - stop reading this post.
I have my routine. If I miss my "window" I'm miserable. So I was quite happy when I woke up at 6:30am and felt the need to go. Yes! I'm done - Now I won't have to worry about it. WRONG. As the time came closer to leave the hotel and head to the park - I pooped every 10 minutes. You gotta be kidding me. But what could I do - we headed out and I just hoped I wouldn't actually have to make an emergency pit stop in a port-a-potty.
It was pointed out to me that I was unusually quiet. Sadly, I was letting myself get into my head and scramble things around. The rest of the girls were going to be doing the 4 miler....my start time was an hour and 15 minutes LATER - kind of weird. That means I would be standing around for that long all by myself, freaking myself out. I went up to one of the NYRR volunteers and asked if I could do the other race - apparently it didn't matter which one but once you start one - you can't run both.
After a little internal fighting, I decided to just do the 4 miler. According to my watch, it's longer than that but whatever. I finished well. I found a woman I considered my pacer - she was taking short walk breaks and was running a speed I was comfortable with so I either kept her in my sights or knew she wasn't too far behind me.
As I was starting to round the last bend - I saw Chris, the kids and Emme looking for me and a little bit further up was the finish line. I was at a good steady jog but my pacer was walking. I slowed down, waited for her to get close, tugged her sleeve and said, "Let's go pacer - we're running in together!" She started laughing but got back to running with me.
BUT.....once I crossed that finish line I KNEW I could've gone further. Damn it.
I felt kind of bummed out for a while and yes, I know this is shocking, but I was acting like a total bitch. Disappointment does not bring out the best in me.
My digestion was still doing somersaults so in reality, if I had been allowed to carry on - there would have been an emergency stop.
Although really pissed off at myself, I'm going to consider this a learning experience. I know I have to sign up for a bunch of races during my training in order to practice handling the jitters and build up my confidence. And I should probably carry immodium (thank you, Patrick, for running out of lunch to go get me some so I could eat!).
Next weekend I WILL be running 9 miles - and even though I'll be on my own, I WILL finish within the time limit that was posted for today. Shouldn't be a problem since, according to my watch, when I'm jogging I fluctuate between a 10 min/mile and 12 min/mile...my walk break are 13 min/miles and when I slow down to sip some water I'm around 15 min/mile.
I'm going to look into hypnosis to help overcome my nerves.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Do you GU?
As stated earlier - I am doing this right. I am taking care of myself as best as I can yet pushing myself. With the hopes of continuing with this - it's time to start experimenting with GU or similar. I don't really need it just yet on my long runs since they aren't incredibly long but it's best to test the belly out now.
Stopped at the local running store and stocked up on a couple things to try. And picked up a spibelt too-holds my tissues, GU, chapstick!
Saturday - I run/walk about 6 miles and half way through try a GU gel in orange burst (with caffeine). NASTY. NASTY. NASTY. Like thick baby aspirin. BUT I felt great (until a few hours later when I had some bad heartburn).
Sunday - 8.4 miles. GU Chomps in orange (no caffeine). These I liked. BUT I think I could've used the caffeine. To be honest - I think I let my fear of unknown mileage get the best of me. This is the most I've ever gone. I was excited yet anxious at the same time. 3 miles in and I wasn't at my best. I was walking more then running. My head games were going strong and I had some serious doubt that I would be completing the goal amount for the day. I eat the chomps and just keep going. The tears are threatening to come but since it's such a beautiful day there are a ton of people out and about and I'll be damned if people see me cry about this. 6 miles in, there is no way in freakin' hell I'm finishing today, no way I'm finishing the 15k coming up and no way I'm doing the marathon. WTF was I thinking?!?! I'm in pain, my walk breaks are SLOW. I can barely jog. I decide that when I get to my street I will look down to see if our friends have arrived yet. If they have, I'm calling it a day...if their car is not there then I will somehow keep going. Their car is not there. SON OF A BITCH!! A sob escapes my mouth - it probably takes more effort for me to hold it back then to just let it all out.
7 miles in and I pass 2 guys - they say hello and I barely croak out a hi. There is no way I can do this. This is where some serious mantra kicks in "Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker". If you live in the neighborhood and you heard me, I'm sorry but it's all that was coming to mind at the moment. Then a song I usually skip over came on. I would like to thank Incubus for being there when I needed it most. I think the song is called Transmissions. The tears just came, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. walk walk...limp, limp, limp. Song ends and I realize I don't have far to go. I start joggin, walking, limping...I'M HOME. I DID IT!!
Walk in the door- Chris says "Blau!" I say "How you like me now?!" (this is something that gets stuck in my head after almost every run) and then I burst out crying.
2 advil and 10 minutes with an ice pack then a hot shower and I'm good as new!
Stopped at the local running store and stocked up on a couple things to try. And picked up a spibelt too-holds my tissues, GU, chapstick!
Saturday - I run/walk about 6 miles and half way through try a GU gel in orange burst (with caffeine). NASTY. NASTY. NASTY. Like thick baby aspirin. BUT I felt great (until a few hours later when I had some bad heartburn).
Sunday - 8.4 miles. GU Chomps in orange (no caffeine). These I liked. BUT I think I could've used the caffeine. To be honest - I think I let my fear of unknown mileage get the best of me. This is the most I've ever gone. I was excited yet anxious at the same time. 3 miles in and I wasn't at my best. I was walking more then running. My head games were going strong and I had some serious doubt that I would be completing the goal amount for the day. I eat the chomps and just keep going. The tears are threatening to come but since it's such a beautiful day there are a ton of people out and about and I'll be damned if people see me cry about this. 6 miles in, there is no way in freakin' hell I'm finishing today, no way I'm finishing the 15k coming up and no way I'm doing the marathon. WTF was I thinking?!?! I'm in pain, my walk breaks are SLOW. I can barely jog. I decide that when I get to my street I will look down to see if our friends have arrived yet. If they have, I'm calling it a day...if their car is not there then I will somehow keep going. Their car is not there. SON OF A BITCH!! A sob escapes my mouth - it probably takes more effort for me to hold it back then to just let it all out.
7 miles in and I pass 2 guys - they say hello and I barely croak out a hi. There is no way I can do this. This is where some serious mantra kicks in "Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker". If you live in the neighborhood and you heard me, I'm sorry but it's all that was coming to mind at the moment. Then a song I usually skip over came on. I would like to thank Incubus for being there when I needed it most. I think the song is called Transmissions. The tears just came, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. walk walk...limp, limp, limp. Song ends and I realize I don't have far to go. I start joggin, walking, limping...I'M HOME. I DID IT!!
Walk in the door- Chris says "Blau!" I say "How you like me now?!" (this is something that gets stuck in my head after almost every run) and then I burst out crying.
2 advil and 10 minutes with an ice pack then a hot shower and I'm good as new!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Slow & Steady
This past weekend had some ups & downs. Saturday I was feeling good but it was slippery out so I thought it best to do my run on the treadmill. Which I hate. It was long run day so I was shooting for about 6 miles. The treadmill for me is a form of torture. I hopped on trying to be all positive but that didn't last long. I just couldn't do it. 3 miles into it and I quit. I vowed that the long run would take place the next day OUTSIDE.
Sunday morning comes around and it's cold - but the sun is shining so I bundle myself up. When I run outside, I run in my neighborhood. I have a few routes I take and depending on how far I have to go - I piece them together in order to hit my grand total. I like this plan because 1. I know that I will pass by my house after the first loop in case I need the potty 2. If I get injured or something I'm near home 3. If I start feeling like I have to quit I just tell myself that I can make my decision when I get near home - I have never actually quit while outside.
I hit the streets and I'm not even a mile into it and I feel miserable. I feel like I'm going to slip and get hurt, I feel like a total spaz. I keep alternating between running & walking but I seem to be spending more time walking. This is just messing with my confidence. I keep "talking to myself" in my head - convincing myself that it's ok to stop early....and no it's not ok to stop early. Honestly, I think this happens during my first mile no matter what. I finally find my groove - mentally - even though I seem to be spending more time walking. I finish my first 3 mile loop and I hit my next jog when all of a sudden it doesn't feel so bad. I realize that my walk is not much slower than my jog and if I don't lose steam walking then why should I lose steam jogging?? This mind game works because I opt to not make my usual right turn but to go straight. I haven't gone this way in well over a year so really I can't quite remember where this leads...Ahh...that's right, it's a little further out then I thought. Oh well - this is what you get for doubting yourself at the beginning. By the time I got home I felt great.
I KNOW I could've done another loop but I'm going slow & steady. I'm not rushing into this and I've got nothing to prove early on. Well - actually, I have a lot to prove but that's to myself.
I'm not a runner. I never have been. Even in like middle school when I was in shape - put me in a sprint no problem; ask me to run a mile and I would laugh. Running has always scared me for whatever reason. But I'm getting used to it.
I listen to my music - yet I stay completely in tune to my body. This is a learning experience for me and I'm learning a lot.
Sunday morning comes around and it's cold - but the sun is shining so I bundle myself up. When I run outside, I run in my neighborhood. I have a few routes I take and depending on how far I have to go - I piece them together in order to hit my grand total. I like this plan because 1. I know that I will pass by my house after the first loop in case I need the potty 2. If I get injured or something I'm near home 3. If I start feeling like I have to quit I just tell myself that I can make my decision when I get near home - I have never actually quit while outside.
I hit the streets and I'm not even a mile into it and I feel miserable. I feel like I'm going to slip and get hurt, I feel like a total spaz. I keep alternating between running & walking but I seem to be spending more time walking. This is just messing with my confidence. I keep "talking to myself" in my head - convincing myself that it's ok to stop early....and no it's not ok to stop early. Honestly, I think this happens during my first mile no matter what. I finally find my groove - mentally - even though I seem to be spending more time walking. I finish my first 3 mile loop and I hit my next jog when all of a sudden it doesn't feel so bad. I realize that my walk is not much slower than my jog and if I don't lose steam walking then why should I lose steam jogging?? This mind game works because I opt to not make my usual right turn but to go straight. I haven't gone this way in well over a year so really I can't quite remember where this leads...Ahh...that's right, it's a little further out then I thought. Oh well - this is what you get for doubting yourself at the beginning. By the time I got home I felt great.
I KNOW I could've done another loop but I'm going slow & steady. I'm not rushing into this and I've got nothing to prove early on. Well - actually, I have a lot to prove but that's to myself.
I'm not a runner. I never have been. Even in like middle school when I was in shape - put me in a sprint no problem; ask me to run a mile and I would laugh. Running has always scared me for whatever reason. But I'm getting used to it.
I listen to my music - yet I stay completely in tune to my body. This is a learning experience for me and I'm learning a lot.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Keeping at it...
On Sunday, I was so pleased with my Saturday run/walk/crawl that I decided to take advantage of the weather and go for a nice brisk walk in the sunshine. According to my training schedule - I should have gone for a walk on Friday but I skipped Friday altogether so I counted that as my rest day and went for the walk on Sunday. I walked 2.87 miles at a good pace - probably averaged about 14 min/mile. Listened to some music that I normally skip over while trying to go a faster pace. I have to say - it was hard to not pick up the pace and start jogging.
About 2 hours after the walk, I found myself lying on the floor close to tears. My leg hurt so bad. I took a few Advil and that seemed to calm things down a bit. Chris then used the massage stick and the elbow trick that Emme (his sister) was kind enough to teach us. In all of 5 minutes my leg felt great...30 minutes later - it was like my leg never had pain!
Monday morning rolls around and still no leg pain. The massage is the way to go! My food on Wednesday was back to my weird food. I'm sticking with my bizarre lemon drink, yogurt, granola, flax seeds, veggie burgers. And my daily cup of coffee of course. 45 minutes of Vinyasa yoga after work - my arms thanked me and my legs felt good & stretched out.
Tuesday - So, so tired. The morning was a little hectic so I didn't get to drink that extra 1/2 mug of coffee I usually have - could that little amount really be what's making me So tired? Also had some digestive issues today. But I'm not going to make up excuses so I hopped on the treadmill and put in 2 miles. Still on target with my schedule. Weird food again but instead of veggie burger we had faux meat tacos...taco shell, a little rice, faux meat, lettuce, tomato, oh so delicious taco sauce and greek yogurt instead of sour cream. Delicious.
And a little note to my fat cells that so desperately want to be my friends for life:
Although I'm normally not a mean person, I'm tired of you. You bring me down and make me feel like shit. I don't think it's a good idea for us to spend time together anymore. I don't think it's fair that I keep making excuses for your behavior and you sit on the sidelines smirking. I know I've been shocking you lately so I hope you realize you have no choice but to take this seriously. It's time for you to go. I just cannot see myself hiding behind you anymore. I need to feel the way I used to when you weren't a part of my life. I also think you're slowing me down and that's pissing me off. So - although we have been together for the last few years, it's time we went our separate ways. Good bye.
About 2 hours after the walk, I found myself lying on the floor close to tears. My leg hurt so bad. I took a few Advil and that seemed to calm things down a bit. Chris then used the massage stick and the elbow trick that Emme (his sister) was kind enough to teach us. In all of 5 minutes my leg felt great...30 minutes later - it was like my leg never had pain!
Monday morning rolls around and still no leg pain. The massage is the way to go! My food on Wednesday was back to my weird food. I'm sticking with my bizarre lemon drink, yogurt, granola, flax seeds, veggie burgers. And my daily cup of coffee of course. 45 minutes of Vinyasa yoga after work - my arms thanked me and my legs felt good & stretched out.
Tuesday - So, so tired. The morning was a little hectic so I didn't get to drink that extra 1/2 mug of coffee I usually have - could that little amount really be what's making me So tired? Also had some digestive issues today. But I'm not going to make up excuses so I hopped on the treadmill and put in 2 miles. Still on target with my schedule. Weird food again but instead of veggie burger we had faux meat tacos...taco shell, a little rice, faux meat, lettuce, tomato, oh so delicious taco sauce and greek yogurt instead of sour cream. Delicious.
And a little note to my fat cells that so desperately want to be my friends for life:
Although I'm normally not a mean person, I'm tired of you. You bring me down and make me feel like shit. I don't think it's a good idea for us to spend time together anymore. I don't think it's fair that I keep making excuses for your behavior and you sit on the sidelines smirking. I know I've been shocking you lately so I hope you realize you have no choice but to take this seriously. It's time for you to go. I just cannot see myself hiding behind you anymore. I need to feel the way I used to when you weren't a part of my life. I also think you're slowing me down and that's pissing me off. So - although we have been together for the last few years, it's time we went our separate ways. Good bye.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Feed me some Vitamin D!!
After spending Friday night feeling crappy about myself and just having an overwhelming amount of self doubt, I vowed to wake up and get over it. I needed to figure out a way to get this negativity far, far away from me.
Luckily, I woke up to a beautiful spring like day (well, 45 degrees but close enough to spring when everything is covered in that cold/frozen white crap that I just don't want to discuss anymore!). Had my coffee, made the kids pancakes, had 2 mandarin oranges & 2 silver dollar pancakes without syrup and hit the streets. I wore my Team McGraw t-shirt since it's a source of inspiration for me and a reminder that this is not about me.
Less then a mile into it, a guy in a BMW truck pulls up "Hey, I saw you running and just wanted to say great job and you are an inspiration to me...I haven't run in years!" etc, etc, etc. OK - so my first thought was "ok dude 1. I had to stop my groove to talk to you 2. I'm not getting in the car with you....turns out he lives in my neighborhood and is an actor (we checked his website and he's been on Law & Order"). Ok - back into the groove.
Wait - another interruption ahead. Three guys each walking a dog spread out across the entire street blocking my passage. Oh come on!! As I'm getting closer, I see the dog on the left is a pit bull, middle dog is about 4 ft. tall and the cutest friggin thing ever, dog on the right a little yapper who would probably nip at my feet....which way to go??? I chose the pit bull direction - which means I had to break my groove again to get a few sloppy kisses (from the dog, not the sketchy guy)..I head on my way about 2 feet when the guy decides to talk to me - problem was that I had my ipod on and quite frankly, I just didn't feel like talking so I just smiled, said bye to the pups and took off.
I avoided all ice, wet road, gravel, itchy balls, acorns, etc. And every time I burst through the shade into a patch of sun I turned into a lizard. My face just gravitates towards those warm rays and the smile spread across my face. Yup - I hate winter and I hate the depression it tries to pull me into. Sorry crappy cold, it ain't happening.
Finished my route, came home, blew my nose (forgot my damn tissues) and had an ice cold glass of coconut water...hot shower..and then some errands. I'm feeling back to myself.
My leg hurts still. But it just doesn't feel as bad when I'm outside. And it certainly doesn't feel as bad as when I'm stuck inside.
Since my battery died on my watch AND my footpod - I drove my route later on and found I did 5.4 miles. Not bad for my long run. I think 4 was my official training schedule distance but whatever. I jumped ahead a week and it felt good.
Luckily, I woke up to a beautiful spring like day (well, 45 degrees but close enough to spring when everything is covered in that cold/frozen white crap that I just don't want to discuss anymore!). Had my coffee, made the kids pancakes, had 2 mandarin oranges & 2 silver dollar pancakes without syrup and hit the streets. I wore my Team McGraw t-shirt since it's a source of inspiration for me and a reminder that this is not about me.
Less then a mile into it, a guy in a BMW truck pulls up "Hey, I saw you running and just wanted to say great job and you are an inspiration to me...I haven't run in years!" etc, etc, etc. OK - so my first thought was "ok dude 1. I had to stop my groove to talk to you 2. I'm not getting in the car with you....turns out he lives in my neighborhood and is an actor (we checked his website and he's been on Law & Order"). Ok - back into the groove.
Wait - another interruption ahead. Three guys each walking a dog spread out across the entire street blocking my passage. Oh come on!! As I'm getting closer, I see the dog on the left is a pit bull, middle dog is about 4 ft. tall and the cutest friggin thing ever, dog on the right a little yapper who would probably nip at my feet....which way to go??? I chose the pit bull direction - which means I had to break my groove again to get a few sloppy kisses (from the dog, not the sketchy guy)..I head on my way about 2 feet when the guy decides to talk to me - problem was that I had my ipod on and quite frankly, I just didn't feel like talking so I just smiled, said bye to the pups and took off.
I avoided all ice, wet road, gravel, itchy balls, acorns, etc. And every time I burst through the shade into a patch of sun I turned into a lizard. My face just gravitates towards those warm rays and the smile spread across my face. Yup - I hate winter and I hate the depression it tries to pull me into. Sorry crappy cold, it ain't happening.
Finished my route, came home, blew my nose (forgot my damn tissues) and had an ice cold glass of coconut water...hot shower..and then some errands. I'm feeling back to myself.
My leg hurts still. But it just doesn't feel as bad when I'm outside. And it certainly doesn't feel as bad as when I'm stuck inside.
Since my battery died on my watch AND my footpod - I drove my route later on and found I did 5.4 miles. Not bad for my long run. I think 4 was my official training schedule distance but whatever. I jumped ahead a week and it felt good.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Accountable
So I think the best way for me to do this is to BORE the hell out of you by keeping you informed on my eating and my workouts. I'm not going to do this daily - most likely weekly - but just to get this started here it goes...
Yesterday (Monday 2/15/10) - I couldn't tell you what I ate since I can't remember. I do know that I had a veggie burger on an arnold sandwich thin and a veggie/spinach salad for dinner. And I ran 2 miles.
Today (Tuesday 2/16/10) - coffee w/fat free half & half, protein shake (125 calories), lowfat vanilla yogurt & small handfull of back to nature plain granola, 2 Tbls. of my weird lemon concoction in my water, 1/2 cantaloupe, 2 wasa crackers, 1 laughing cow cheese, 1/2 cup cabbage salad with apple cider vinegar dressing, another weird lemon concoction, a few grapes, 1 string cheese, veggie burger on toasted rye and veggie salad...and 2 chocolate chip cookies. In total I drank a little less then a gallon of water - this is my usual. OH! And I had about a cup of coconut water. I'm done for the night now.
50 minutes of Budokon. I love this - it's been a while and my hips are letting me know it's been too long.
Tomorrow I will eat about the same minus the chocolate chip cookies since there are none left. And no cabbage salad since another teacher brought it in for us and it's all gone. It's a run day so I'll be running about 2.5 miles.
Yesterday (Monday 2/15/10) - I couldn't tell you what I ate since I can't remember. I do know that I had a veggie burger on an arnold sandwich thin and a veggie/spinach salad for dinner. And I ran 2 miles.
Today (Tuesday 2/16/10) - coffee w/fat free half & half, protein shake (125 calories), lowfat vanilla yogurt & small handfull of back to nature plain granola, 2 Tbls. of my weird lemon concoction in my water, 1/2 cantaloupe, 2 wasa crackers, 1 laughing cow cheese, 1/2 cup cabbage salad with apple cider vinegar dressing, another weird lemon concoction, a few grapes, 1 string cheese, veggie burger on toasted rye and veggie salad...and 2 chocolate chip cookies. In total I drank a little less then a gallon of water - this is my usual. OH! And I had about a cup of coconut water. I'm done for the night now.
50 minutes of Budokon. I love this - it's been a while and my hips are letting me know it's been too long.
Tomorrow I will eat about the same minus the chocolate chip cookies since there are none left. And no cabbage salad since another teacher brought it in for us and it's all gone. It's a run day so I'll be running about 2.5 miles.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Damn it. Get it together.
Excuses, excuses, excuses. It's cold, I'm fat, my leg hurts, I'm hot, I hate the treadmill, I don't want people judging the slow ass run (can you even call it running when you feel like you're barely moving??), I'm tired, It's dark.
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST DO IT. (If you don't know me well, I have extreme potty mouth at times).
OK - so I moved my treadmill again. This time so I can attempt to watch tv while I run...at least until that cold icy crap outside melts. One of my teammates runs with the tv so what the hell, I'll try it.
I continue to add to my playlist specifically for my running entertainment. I've got about 10.6 hours of music specifically for my runs/walks/whatever it is I do. I am really odd with my music selections.
I'm also in crunch mode (sort of) since the 15K is in 6 weeks. And the way I work is - if I'm signed up for something, then I'm going to DO IT and not just talk about it. NO WAY will I be the one person who doesn't pick up their tag and no way will I be the person who doesn't cross the finish line.
So - it looks like I should sign myself up for more races to keep me slacker free. AND join the gym so I'm obligated to go to some of the classes on cross-training days.
And Coach, if you read this, keep on me.
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND JUST DO IT. (If you don't know me well, I have extreme potty mouth at times).
OK - so I moved my treadmill again. This time so I can attempt to watch tv while I run...at least until that cold icy crap outside melts. One of my teammates runs with the tv so what the hell, I'll try it.
I continue to add to my playlist specifically for my running entertainment. I've got about 10.6 hours of music specifically for my runs/walks/whatever it is I do. I am really odd with my music selections.
I'm also in crunch mode (sort of) since the 15K is in 6 weeks. And the way I work is - if I'm signed up for something, then I'm going to DO IT and not just talk about it. NO WAY will I be the one person who doesn't pick up their tag and no way will I be the person who doesn't cross the finish line.
So - it looks like I should sign myself up for more races to keep me slacker free. AND join the gym so I'm obligated to go to some of the classes on cross-training days.
And Coach, if you read this, keep on me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)