Too many months of treatment. Cocktails of chemo, Avastin and Decadron (nasty-ass steroid). There is no way that after close to 2 years straight of one cocktail or another the body isn't exhausted. Bad cells & good cells being attacked. Mental health being challenged. Consistently stable MRIs yet still more treatment. Why?? Symptoms keep worsening despite the many, many stable scans. Makes no sense. And raises many questions: is the treatment actually doing more harm than good? Is one of the drugs "masking" the MRI scans? Could the steroid be making certain symptoms worse since it just Loves to mess with muscles? So many questions, yet so few answers.
I like logic. I like answers. And I like respect. Doctors do not have all the answers-this I know. And although I don't have the privilege of using the prefix "Dr." before my name, I've been part of the brain tumor world for 7 years. Seven years of obsessively researching, reading, questioning. So when I ask questions-please do not dismiss me because we don't share a prefix.
And when I raise concerns about the health of the person I love with my whole heart, the person who I watch closely for any new developments, the person who I jump to make modifications to daily living for in order to minimize his frustrations, the person You only see every other month for 10 minutes at a time...so yeah, when I raise concerns and questions, do not dismiss me.
My concerns were correct. My confidence in you gone.
All the frenzy that followed my dismissed concerns turned out to be a good thing. New team of doctors established, long term steroid use complications controlled, intense physical therapy coordinated. All very good things.
My own self had to be put aside for a few weeks. Marathon training week 1 didn't happen, then week 2 didn't happen. And so on. Now with 99 days or so until marathon Sunday, I am so far behind in training that it wouldn't be safe. I cannot risk injury right now. I also truly don't know how I could fit the training in. It's even harder when there are two kids in the mix. I got teary eyed when writing the email stating I couldn't run the race this year and I got teary when I had to hit the big, red CANCEL ENTRY button. I have been told that right now, this all is my own personal marathon. I suppose-it's just minus the sneaks. And there is no medal for keeping shit together.
I don't like asking for help so I am very thankful to all the people who just started doing things. No matter how big or small, I am so thankful.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Long time, no write
It's been a long time since I felt like writing something. This will probably wind up all garbled and out of sorts but so be it.
So after last year's marathon training, I was looking forward to running the 2012 NYC Marathon. Yet that bitch, Hurricane Sandy, had other plans. I remember getting the phone call telling me to go sit in my car (our neighborhood was still without power) and listen to the news. I ran out and turned on the radio to hear that the marathon had been cancelled. My initial reaction was immediate crying. I had worked SO hard because I had intended to make that marathon my very last 26.2 miles and I wanted to go out with a time I could be proud of. Selfish reaction - maybe so but I don't think that meant I didn't feel for what people were going through. I just couldn't believe that all my hard work and excitement was just DONE. In an instant.
After that, I backed off running. Happens every year. It's like the marathon kicks off my winter hibernation mode. I worked out but the sneakers never hit the pavement.
Then my appendix had some plans for me. That took me out of working out altogether. It also hit around the time that I actually decide I want to start running again.
Eventually, I was given medical clearance to start running again. That would be great to hear normally but all it really did was pile on the anxiety. Here's what some of you don't know -
I started running only a few years ago. I was the kid who, although athletic, would pretend that I ran the full mile in gym when in reality I walked one lap. I was also the kid who walked off the varsity softball team when we were told to start running laps. I've always been a walker - running scares the shit out of me. But a few years ago, I went to cheer on a good friend who was running her first NYC Marathon. I had never given two shits about that marathon or any other but I do give a shit about supporting my people so I was going. I spent that day filled with emotion (and sangria) - I cried watching all the runners go by and I cried watching the spectators cheer. I cried because our first cheer zone was directly across from Memorial Sloane Kettering, I cried when the father of a child with a brain tumor talked to Chris.
By the next morning I had decided that I would run the marathon the next year. Clearly I'm insane. I hooked up with The Tug McGraw Foundation and received a spot on Team McGraw. I wanted to run for a reason and any cause that supports brain tumor awareness, programs, research, etc. gets my vote. Since then I have trained for and run for this team the last few years. My long runs are always in my team shirt and people always stop me to ask about it.
What strangers and most of you don't know much of is that 7 years ago Chris was diagnosed with a tumor on his brain stem. Inoperable. Scary words to hear when you just gave birth to your second child. After months of aggressive treatment, the tumor shrunk and became stable. For a few years life went on as usual. Although we always knew the tumor was still there, lots of times it wasn't even thought about or discussed. Until the tumor decided to become active again. More chemo, more Avastin. Then a change in chemo since the kind he was on wasn't doing the job.
It's now been 20 months of non-stop treatment. Every 2 months another MRI which shows stability however Chris continues a slow decline. This coming week he starts another round of chemo (he's been off chemo but still on Avastin for a few months). He's tired. I'm tired. I'm also angry. Very. I fucking hate brain tumors. I hate everything about them.
So this year, I will be running my last 26.2 through the boroughs. I don't know how I'm going to fit in all the miles now that I have taken over all household responsibilities but I will figure it out. Because that's what I do. Figure out how to fucking maintain some sense of normalcy. I will train angry and hopefully that will motivate me to keep moving despite the ridiculous amount of miles, the lack of time, the tumor that I want to rip out. I will continue to ask people to donate - and I don't care if it annoys people. Try having a brain tumor enter your life to learn what annoying is.
I will write as therapy. I will write for those of you who are interested in reading. I will write to keep me accountable for the training.
So after last year's marathon training, I was looking forward to running the 2012 NYC Marathon. Yet that bitch, Hurricane Sandy, had other plans. I remember getting the phone call telling me to go sit in my car (our neighborhood was still without power) and listen to the news. I ran out and turned on the radio to hear that the marathon had been cancelled. My initial reaction was immediate crying. I had worked SO hard because I had intended to make that marathon my very last 26.2 miles and I wanted to go out with a time I could be proud of. Selfish reaction - maybe so but I don't think that meant I didn't feel for what people were going through. I just couldn't believe that all my hard work and excitement was just DONE. In an instant.
After that, I backed off running. Happens every year. It's like the marathon kicks off my winter hibernation mode. I worked out but the sneakers never hit the pavement.
Then my appendix had some plans for me. That took me out of working out altogether. It also hit around the time that I actually decide I want to start running again.
Eventually, I was given medical clearance to start running again. That would be great to hear normally but all it really did was pile on the anxiety. Here's what some of you don't know -
I started running only a few years ago. I was the kid who, although athletic, would pretend that I ran the full mile in gym when in reality I walked one lap. I was also the kid who walked off the varsity softball team when we were told to start running laps. I've always been a walker - running scares the shit out of me. But a few years ago, I went to cheer on a good friend who was running her first NYC Marathon. I had never given two shits about that marathon or any other but I do give a shit about supporting my people so I was going. I spent that day filled with emotion (and sangria) - I cried watching all the runners go by and I cried watching the spectators cheer. I cried because our first cheer zone was directly across from Memorial Sloane Kettering, I cried when the father of a child with a brain tumor talked to Chris.
By the next morning I had decided that I would run the marathon the next year. Clearly I'm insane. I hooked up with The Tug McGraw Foundation and received a spot on Team McGraw. I wanted to run for a reason and any cause that supports brain tumor awareness, programs, research, etc. gets my vote. Since then I have trained for and run for this team the last few years. My long runs are always in my team shirt and people always stop me to ask about it.
What strangers and most of you don't know much of is that 7 years ago Chris was diagnosed with a tumor on his brain stem. Inoperable. Scary words to hear when you just gave birth to your second child. After months of aggressive treatment, the tumor shrunk and became stable. For a few years life went on as usual. Although we always knew the tumor was still there, lots of times it wasn't even thought about or discussed. Until the tumor decided to become active again. More chemo, more Avastin. Then a change in chemo since the kind he was on wasn't doing the job.
It's now been 20 months of non-stop treatment. Every 2 months another MRI which shows stability however Chris continues a slow decline. This coming week he starts another round of chemo (he's been off chemo but still on Avastin for a few months). He's tired. I'm tired. I'm also angry. Very. I fucking hate brain tumors. I hate everything about them.
So this year, I will be running my last 26.2 through the boroughs. I don't know how I'm going to fit in all the miles now that I have taken over all household responsibilities but I will figure it out. Because that's what I do. Figure out how to fucking maintain some sense of normalcy. I will train angry and hopefully that will motivate me to keep moving despite the ridiculous amount of miles, the lack of time, the tumor that I want to rip out. I will continue to ask people to donate - and I don't care if it annoys people. Try having a brain tumor enter your life to learn what annoying is.
I will write as therapy. I will write for those of you who are interested in reading. I will write to keep me accountable for the training.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Taper time
Ugh, this taper time couldn't come sooner.
The last 13 mile training run took place on Saturday in our usual long run venue. Time wise, we did really well. Pain wise - not so much. My fingers are crossed that I can rest enough and make it through the next 2 weeks injury free, make it through the marathon and then deal with the aches and pains. My knee is twinging in a new spot, my calf muscle is so tight and spasming, my hip is sore, my heel is in constant pain and now the outer edge of my foot is really hurting. ALL of this is on my left leg. I'm going to imagine that somehow, it's all connected.
The mental games have started. The doubt creeps in. I know it happens at this point in training yet it still gets to me. I want to go into this confident.
Excitement is also trying to gain some footing. The pile of crap has started for me to pack, unpack, repack, unpack, etc, etc, etc. I'm planning on packing twice what I need just in case.
WEATHER. One day the forecast says rain, the next says sunny. I have gotten very lucky the last 2 years, I'm hoping the third time is a charm!
I'm tired so I don't have much to say. Next week perhaps I'll be more peppy.
The last 13 mile training run took place on Saturday in our usual long run venue. Time wise, we did really well. Pain wise - not so much. My fingers are crossed that I can rest enough and make it through the next 2 weeks injury free, make it through the marathon and then deal with the aches and pains. My knee is twinging in a new spot, my calf muscle is so tight and spasming, my hip is sore, my heel is in constant pain and now the outer edge of my foot is really hurting. ALL of this is on my left leg. I'm going to imagine that somehow, it's all connected.
The mental games have started. The doubt creeps in. I know it happens at this point in training yet it still gets to me. I want to go into this confident.
Excitement is also trying to gain some footing. The pile of crap has started for me to pack, unpack, repack, unpack, etc, etc, etc. I'm planning on packing twice what I need just in case.
WEATHER. One day the forecast says rain, the next says sunny. I have gotten very lucky the last 2 years, I'm hoping the third time is a charm!
I'm tired so I don't have much to say. Next week perhaps I'll be more peppy.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
12 and less than 20
I apologize for not filling you in on last week's 12 mile training run. Wasn't much to report. As you know, our long runs take place along the coast from Loch Arbor/Asbury Park and go out and back depending on the mileage required for that run. We do for a few reasons - bathrooms (priority!), water, scenery, people watching, and it's motivating to run when so many other people are also out there being active in some way.
Due to scheduling conflicts with both kids having soccer games around the same time but at different fields, my mom and I stayed local for last weekend's 12 miler. At this point in the training schedule, a 12 miler is actually a distance we look forward to as a much needed break for tired legs. But we take for granted how much the mind can control the situation. Since we stayed local we just ran the streets around here. SUCKED. We were like 6 miles into it and we were both complaining of boredom. Horrible. Nobody was out there, we were just zigzagging the roads to try to get our watches to jump ahead a few miles. The boredom was also allowing me time to over think - like I don't do this enough! I was not happy with that run.
Yesterday was our last (hurray!!) 20 miler for training. I was having some anxiety. I just wanted to do it and be happy with it but I knew that was a long shot. My legs have been really tired, I have not hydrated well the last week, and my left foot's plantar fasciitis has not cooperated. It's not a run to skip though so we manned up and out we went along the boardwalk. We were doing really well for I'd say the first 12 miles - we were keeping a decent slow training run pace and the walk break we took were kept to a minimum.
Since it's also the time in training to make sure that race day attire works well, I had everything on that I planned to wear race day. I don't know WTF was going on but other than my socks and sneakers, it was ALL wrong. The tank I wear under my t-shirt wouldn't stay in place and I had to keep yanking it down. The super-cute 80's inspired Team McGraw cut shirt kept falling off (a good thing in a way since it means I've gotten smaller since it was cut!), my new pants turned out to be a little too big or something because they kept sliding. Wrong, wrong, wrong. This all needs to get fixed and pronto.
Anyway, after a decent 12 miles, it shouldn't come as a surprise that the return mileage was HARD. I didn't throw myself on the boardwalk or cry (I have been known to throw dramatics in during long runs years prior) but I did walk more than I had wanted. We were hurting. Legs were like lead. We could see Asbury's Convention Hall in the not too far distance but it just felt like one of those dreams when you're in a hallway and you're trying to get to the end but the hallway keeps getting longer and longer. Finally, finally, finally we were done. Just short of 20 miles.
For about 8 hours after, my left upper side/hip all the way to the tip of my big toe HURT. Not like, "oh I'm tired and sore"...but like, "Holy shit! What is wrong with my leg? Am I going to be able to do the marathon??" I just kept stretching, took a bit of Advil and woke up this morning A-OK.
The much needed taper is here. Although I'm looking forward to the marathon - I think I'm looking more forward to it being over. Maybe it's just where I am in terms of training right now. Or maybe it's knowing I'm still slow as hell.
Due to scheduling conflicts with both kids having soccer games around the same time but at different fields, my mom and I stayed local for last weekend's 12 miler. At this point in the training schedule, a 12 miler is actually a distance we look forward to as a much needed break for tired legs. But we take for granted how much the mind can control the situation. Since we stayed local we just ran the streets around here. SUCKED. We were like 6 miles into it and we were both complaining of boredom. Horrible. Nobody was out there, we were just zigzagging the roads to try to get our watches to jump ahead a few miles. The boredom was also allowing me time to over think - like I don't do this enough! I was not happy with that run.
Yesterday was our last (hurray!!) 20 miler for training. I was having some anxiety. I just wanted to do it and be happy with it but I knew that was a long shot. My legs have been really tired, I have not hydrated well the last week, and my left foot's plantar fasciitis has not cooperated. It's not a run to skip though so we manned up and out we went along the boardwalk. We were doing really well for I'd say the first 12 miles - we were keeping a decent slow training run pace and the walk break we took were kept to a minimum.
Since it's also the time in training to make sure that race day attire works well, I had everything on that I planned to wear race day. I don't know WTF was going on but other than my socks and sneakers, it was ALL wrong. The tank I wear under my t-shirt wouldn't stay in place and I had to keep yanking it down. The super-cute 80's inspired Team McGraw cut shirt kept falling off (a good thing in a way since it means I've gotten smaller since it was cut!), my new pants turned out to be a little too big or something because they kept sliding. Wrong, wrong, wrong. This all needs to get fixed and pronto.
Anyway, after a decent 12 miles, it shouldn't come as a surprise that the return mileage was HARD. I didn't throw myself on the boardwalk or cry (I have been known to throw dramatics in during long runs years prior) but I did walk more than I had wanted. We were hurting. Legs were like lead. We could see Asbury's Convention Hall in the not too far distance but it just felt like one of those dreams when you're in a hallway and you're trying to get to the end but the hallway keeps getting longer and longer. Finally, finally, finally we were done. Just short of 20 miles.
For about 8 hours after, my left upper side/hip all the way to the tip of my big toe HURT. Not like, "oh I'm tired and sore"...but like, "Holy shit! What is wrong with my leg? Am I going to be able to do the marathon??" I just kept stretching, took a bit of Advil and woke up this morning A-OK.
The much needed taper is here. Although I'm looking forward to the marathon - I think I'm looking more forward to it being over. Maybe it's just where I am in terms of training right now. Or maybe it's knowing I'm still slow as hell.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Shy of 20!
Saturday morning was supposed to be a 20 miler...we came in a tiny bit under 20. As per our usual long run we start off in Loch Arbor, hit the Asbury Park boardwalk and just GO. And GO. And GO.
This time we took a couple of detours onto side streets in Bradley Beach and Belmar just to check a few things out. We also went a different way once we hit the end of the boardwalk - we ventured into the neighborhoods of Spring Lake and Sea Girt before turning around.
Within the first 2 miles I knew my heel was going to be a problem. My legs also felt weak and tight. It's a reminder that on weekdays I HAVE to squeeze in my workouts regardless of how tired I am.
The highlights of the run were that I caught a puppy RIGHT before he ran into Ocean Ave - got off leash on the beach and just took off. The other awesome thing was a "woman" (I put this in quote because I'm not really sure WTF I was looking at!) - full neck to ankle PLEATHER jumpsuit with knee high stiletto boots and this reddish hair that HAD to be a wig...just walking down the boardwalk.
Mom - "Is that a hooker?"
Me - "IDK but if it is she clearly doesn't do enough business...that's PLEATHER"
I'm starting to getting a little nervous. Not many long runs left. The next one is a nice "short" 12 miler....the one after that is 20 and we WILL hit 20.
I'm worried it's going to be crappy weather Marathon Sunday. I'm worried about staying close to time goal. I'm worried my heel is just going to give out.
This time we took a couple of detours onto side streets in Bradley Beach and Belmar just to check a few things out. We also went a different way once we hit the end of the boardwalk - we ventured into the neighborhoods of Spring Lake and Sea Girt before turning around.
Within the first 2 miles I knew my heel was going to be a problem. My legs also felt weak and tight. It's a reminder that on weekdays I HAVE to squeeze in my workouts regardless of how tired I am.
The highlights of the run were that I caught a puppy RIGHT before he ran into Ocean Ave - got off leash on the beach and just took off. The other awesome thing was a "woman" (I put this in quote because I'm not really sure WTF I was looking at!) - full neck to ankle PLEATHER jumpsuit with knee high stiletto boots and this reddish hair that HAD to be a wig...just walking down the boardwalk.
Mom - "Is that a hooker?"
Me - "IDK but if it is she clearly doesn't do enough business...that's PLEATHER"
I'm starting to getting a little nervous. Not many long runs left. The next one is a nice "short" 12 miler....the one after that is 20 and we WILL hit 20.
I'm worried it's going to be crappy weather Marathon Sunday. I'm worried about staying close to time goal. I'm worried my heel is just going to give out.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
17 miles!
I tried very hard to get myself back on track this last week. If you recall, the week prior was a disaster with back to school, back to early wake ups, crazy work stuff, kids back to school and their homework.
So on Saturday, I headed into the city for the New York Road Runner's 5th Avenue Mile. I have never run this before. Last year, I volunteered at this event though. Truth be told, I have NEVER run a single mile - nor have I run a mile fast. I headed to this race with a bit of anxiety. Normally, the first mile of my runs are horrible so what in the world would a single mile race be like??
This race is set up in age and gender categories. I'm placed in the female 30-39 group - the majority of the woman around me look like they are going to be FAST. Holy crap. In the corral, I'm standing behind a woman who has a normal body with meat on her bones and a cute top on - I predict she is going to run at a speed I can handle so I will keep her in my sights. Gun goes off! I'm like 1/8 of the way and I glance at my watch. UMMM....7:04. No - dangerous. For starters, I'm way too clumsy to handle this pace. Yet it does explain why my lungs are on fire. 1/4 mile sign and I want to quit. I'm not fast so why am I trying this race? But really, how embarrassing would it be to quit a one mile race when I have 26.2 in like 40 days. 1/2 mile sign - ok, I've slowed down a little but I'm still going fast. Normal girl is directly in front of me - she also went out too fast, realized it, and slowed. 3/4 mile mark - I can see the finish line! Just keep going....and then BYE BYE normal girl...I blow by her and spring the rest of the course to cross the finish line!! YEAH! Super happy. 9 minutes 14 seconds. NEVER in my whole life have I run this fast...not even in high school for the timed mile - considering I never actually participated in that and just walked a lap then lied :)
Sunday morning, bright and early, my mom and I head to our favorite long run spot. We park in Loch Arbor, make our way over to the Asbury Park boardwalk and there we go. Gorgeous day with plenty of people to look at, plenty of houses to assess, waves were solid, wind was crazy. We did pretty good! Definitely stronger than last year which is a good feeling. We took more walk breaks the 2nd half but that's ok - we got that shit done.
So on Saturday, I headed into the city for the New York Road Runner's 5th Avenue Mile. I have never run this before. Last year, I volunteered at this event though. Truth be told, I have NEVER run a single mile - nor have I run a mile fast. I headed to this race with a bit of anxiety. Normally, the first mile of my runs are horrible so what in the world would a single mile race be like??
This race is set up in age and gender categories. I'm placed in the female 30-39 group - the majority of the woman around me look like they are going to be FAST. Holy crap. In the corral, I'm standing behind a woman who has a normal body with meat on her bones and a cute top on - I predict she is going to run at a speed I can handle so I will keep her in my sights. Gun goes off! I'm like 1/8 of the way and I glance at my watch. UMMM....7:04. No - dangerous. For starters, I'm way too clumsy to handle this pace. Yet it does explain why my lungs are on fire. 1/4 mile sign and I want to quit. I'm not fast so why am I trying this race? But really, how embarrassing would it be to quit a one mile race when I have 26.2 in like 40 days. 1/2 mile sign - ok, I've slowed down a little but I'm still going fast. Normal girl is directly in front of me - she also went out too fast, realized it, and slowed. 3/4 mile mark - I can see the finish line! Just keep going....and then BYE BYE normal girl...I blow by her and spring the rest of the course to cross the finish line!! YEAH! Super happy. 9 minutes 14 seconds. NEVER in my whole life have I run this fast...not even in high school for the timed mile - considering I never actually participated in that and just walked a lap then lied :)
Sunday morning, bright and early, my mom and I head to our favorite long run spot. We park in Loch Arbor, make our way over to the Asbury Park boardwalk and there we go. Gorgeous day with plenty of people to look at, plenty of houses to assess, waves were solid, wind was crazy. We did pretty good! Definitely stronger than last year which is a good feeling. We took more walk breaks the 2nd half but that's ok - we got that shit done.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Personal Record!!!!
Yeah me!!
After a week of stress, poor sleep, not able to get all workouts in, and less than stellar diet - I somehow turned that all around and ended on a high note!
The beginning of the school year is rough. Last year and the year before during the first few weeks back to school were the worst training weeks out of them all. It came as no surprise that this year would also be rough. It's still a disappointment though.
Saturday morning was the Fitness Mind, Body Spirit 4 mile race in Central Park. It also happened to be a a nice break from a required long run. Turned out to be a gorgeous chilly morning. Since I'm not a strong runner, I don't actually "race" at a race. I start it and finish it. Yet this time, within the first two minutes of crossing the start line I picked a time goal. My legs were feeling fresh and my breathing was really easy. My goal was 45 minutes. For many - that's too long for a 4 miler but for slow ass me that's a good time goal. This would require very little walk breaks and maintaining a faster pace. I ran solid - under 11 min/mile for the 1st mile, walked through the water stop and then back to running. I did this the entire race only walking through water stations and part way up one killer hill (Central Park is a killer with the damn hills)...I also walked for a few seconds out of confusion. As I was coming up to what I thought should be a left turn and into the home stretch with the finish line in sight (this is based on previous races) - I all of a sudden realized that the course was not making a left but going straight. I got totally confused and started walking trying to figure it all out. It wasn't until I could hear (but not see) the finish line announcements that I started to run - then sprint trying to make my goal. In the end, I got very close to my goal - 45:48.
This is huge for me. It's proof that all the hard work I have been putting in is finally paying off. It also lets me know that with speed sessions, more running and less walking breaks and more running confidence, I can seriously improve my time. Maybe not in time for Nov. 4th - but it's something I will definitely put into motion after.
Until next week (assuming I survive the first 18 miler of the season!)
After a week of stress, poor sleep, not able to get all workouts in, and less than stellar diet - I somehow turned that all around and ended on a high note!
The beginning of the school year is rough. Last year and the year before during the first few weeks back to school were the worst training weeks out of them all. It came as no surprise that this year would also be rough. It's still a disappointment though.
Saturday morning was the Fitness Mind, Body Spirit 4 mile race in Central Park. It also happened to be a a nice break from a required long run. Turned out to be a gorgeous chilly morning. Since I'm not a strong runner, I don't actually "race" at a race. I start it and finish it. Yet this time, within the first two minutes of crossing the start line I picked a time goal. My legs were feeling fresh and my breathing was really easy. My goal was 45 minutes. For many - that's too long for a 4 miler but for slow ass me that's a good time goal. This would require very little walk breaks and maintaining a faster pace. I ran solid - under 11 min/mile for the 1st mile, walked through the water stop and then back to running. I did this the entire race only walking through water stations and part way up one killer hill (Central Park is a killer with the damn hills)...I also walked for a few seconds out of confusion. As I was coming up to what I thought should be a left turn and into the home stretch with the finish line in sight (this is based on previous races) - I all of a sudden realized that the course was not making a left but going straight. I got totally confused and started walking trying to figure it all out. It wasn't until I could hear (but not see) the finish line announcements that I started to run - then sprint trying to make my goal. In the end, I got very close to my goal - 45:48.
This is huge for me. It's proof that all the hard work I have been putting in is finally paying off. It also lets me know that with speed sessions, more running and less walking breaks and more running confidence, I can seriously improve my time. Maybe not in time for Nov. 4th - but it's something I will definitely put into motion after.
Until next week (assuming I survive the first 18 miler of the season!)
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