Here's where I'm at right now. I'm signed up for the Rutgers half-marathon on April 19th- I'm doing this one with Michelle. I'm using this one as a training run - more for the distance than for the speed. THEN I have the jersey shore half-marathon on May 1st. This one I'm going more for speed. My mom is doing this one too! I'm doing what I'm calling reverse training. Since I just recently proved to myself that I can go the actual distance...now I'm working on my speed. SO- I'm going to act as if I'm starting from scratch. I'm going to continue my alternating of running/walking but since I'm going for speed, I'll start with more walking and my run "breaks" will be at my desired speed. Since I have plenty of time, I know that I can gradually build up the duration of my run breaks..and gradually reduce the duration of my walk breaks.
According to my official marathon results, my average time was 15 min/miles....that factored in my runs at 11:30-12:00/min miles, my walking which was around 14:00-14:30/min miles and the 20+ minutes waiting to go potty. What I'm looking to do is increase my run speed to 9:30-10:00min miles.
Yesterday I proved to myself that this speed IS do-able. I went about 3.5 miles - mostly walking but I did my run "breaks" at this speed. I noticed that there is a big difference between 9:30 and a 10:00min/miles. The 10:00 min/miles felt right...the 9:30 felt like I was getting reading to sprint and my cheeks were shaking (cheeks on my face, that is...but I'm sure my booty was shaking too!).
I'm still not sure what I'm doing about the marathon next year. I entered the lottery so if I do get picked then of course I'm doing it. But if I don't get picked, I don't know what I'm going to do. Part of me wants to run and part of me just wants to cheer everyone else on. I guess I'll just play it by ear.
Chris and my mom both entered the lottery...and they both have plans to run with Team McGraw. I feel that if I decide NOT to run - it would be amazing to still be part of the team AND to cheer not only my teammates on but my husband & mom too. I just don't know. Right now - the thought of training for a marathon again feels so, so draining.
Now to talk about beer. For the last several months of training, I pretty much avoided drinking. I was more concerned with hydration and avoiding feeling like crap when I woke up. And at first, I felt deprived when I was out and didn't have anything or had 1 beer then switched to water. Eventually though, I lost my desire to have anything to drink. Now that the marathon is over...and I'm still kind of recovering in a sense, I figured it would be a good time to imbibe until I get back at it with seriousness after Thanksgiving. SO when our car broke down and we were stranded in some shithole in Maryland - we made a pit stop to the liquor store. 2 beers later and I was done - just didn't want anymore.
OK - let me try again. So Friday night I bought myself a 6 pack. Again, 2 beers later and I'm done. What? SO not like my old self. Saturday we see some friends and we open a bottle of wine. This went down better...but I managed to fall asleep within 10 minutes of getting my kids to bed. Ehh - it seems I'm a little out of practice. It's healthier for me anyway, I suppose.
Oh yeah - and the good news is that the weight that I managed to not lose an ounce of during marathon training (I'm talking not ONE ounce...in fact, I gained a few pounds)...is now coming off. I'm down 6 pounds. FINALLY.
Now for the sad part...I was so sorry to hear that Team McGraw teammate, Jen McDevitt, lost her battle with brain cancer. She is truly an inspiration. When I first joined the team I was in it for Chris. But as you get to meet the team or read about others, you realize that you're doing it for a whole lot of people. Every time I bitched while running, I thought about Jen running while on chemo. Who the hell am I to bitch about ANYTHING?!?! Thank you for being an inspiration and I hope you are running with the wind.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Finisher!!
I'm still tired...and since Chris forgot to change the clock on the alarm clock - we are all up an hour earlier than needed to get the kids ready for school. SO - this might be unorganized - Sorry about that.
Heading in to the city on Saturday:
The excitement was great! Chris drove me & Yvonne to the train and while we were waiting some guy started talking to us about the marathon (He saw our Team McGraw backpacks). He had recently run the Marine Corps. Marathon and was telling us that we were going to break our goal time - boy was he wrong.
We get to the hotel - organize all our stuff for the morning. Clothes are set up & bag of crap is ready to go. We didn't think trying to get organized at 4am was such a good idea.
The pre-race pasta dinner:
Had an awesome time at the dinner. The food was awesome as was the crowd. It was great to finally meet in person all the people I've been speaking with online. Listening to all the team members share their stories about why they joined Team McGraw was inspiring. I started to cry when it was my turn so I wrapped it up quickly.
The night before:
This was rough. I really wanted to sleep well but all that nervous energy wasn't going to let that happen. I tossed and turned most of the night. I also woke up 2-3 times in a full body sweat which probably wasn't so great in terms of hydration. I decided to wake up at about 3:30am and have my coffee.
The start:
Although really cold, the village was fun. I was surrounded by thousands and thousands of people all about to do the same thing. I'm not good with maps - but I did think it was a little oddly organized. And remember - I did have a VIP pass so I walked over to the tent and went inside. Although warm, it was crowded and looked like just a place to get a bagel or muffin and sit at a table. Not my thing - so I decided to go back to my team. Oh yeah - no Edward Norton sightings :(
The real start:
We're moving our way to our corral and watching the 2nd wave cross the bridge. I was jumping out of my skin - I just wanted to get it done. We slowly work our way to the actual start line which took me a little over 10 minutes to get to there once we started moving. The bridge was COLD and very windy. My face felt totally frozen. Yvonne & I stayed together here - we started the incline with a fast walk for about the first mile. But it was so friggin cold we started to run so we could get into the sun ASAP!
Brooklyn:
The best! The energy was great! My energy AND the crowds. I was sticking to my alternating...I think the biggest mistake I made here was my speed. My runs were hitting 11:00 min/miles which was too fast...I tried to slow it down but I felt like no matter what I could not go slower than 12:00 min/miles. My walk breaks were around 14min/miles.
It was so awesome to see a few friendly faces too! Thanks MJ for the sign and cheer around mile 8 (I think??)...and it was great to see Patrick around mile 9. Also - thanks for my gatorade!
In addition to my speed mistake here - the potty mistake was huge. I had to pee around mile 6. Yes - I could've held it but I figured I better go early. I stood on line for 10-15 MINUTES!! WTF???? As I got back on my way - I noticed another bank of port-o-potties on the left that had NO line. I could have shaved all that time of waiting had I known there were potties on BOTH sides.
Oh yeah!! Almost forgot! I started listening to my ipod after Yvonne and I split up. I had it on low enough that I could still hear the crowds. I was probably around mile 4 or so when Limp Bizkit & Method Man came on....DEKALB! I actually laughed out loud! I love the word Dekalb - no idea why. And when we head into Brooklyn to hang out with Patrick & Liz we take Dekalb - which I repeatedly have to say loudly, "DEKALB!"
Queens:
Tried to make another quick pitstop - I think this was right around Mile 12 - I'm not exactly sure. Big problem here....although the line was short, the potty that opened up for me was NASTY. And I have a horrible gag reflex. I couldn't do it. I started dry-heaving and stumbled out into the fresh air without peeing. I think I dry-heaved for about 1/4 mile.
Passing the midway point was a great feeling. But I was concerned a bit since my hamstring was already a steady throb. As I was on the decline of the Queensboro Bridge I was worried I had missed John & Chris. I was bummed out and I was trying to remind myself to send a quick text at the next potty break. Then all of a sudden I saw a HUGE sign!! It was so awesome! Exactly what I needed at that moment. I stopped for hugs, gatorade and pictures!
59th Street Bridge:
Long stretch of quiet here. I saw a ton of people struggling or stopping and sitting on the divider for a break. I made a mistake here too - there is a spot where you can step up to the railing to take in the view. There were a bunch of people up there taking pics so I decided to stop and take in the view. Bad idea. Although I stopped - it felt like I was still moving and I could not get my hand to make contact with the railing. This is where the dizziness started. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb idea.
My wedding song came on and I started crying. In a good way - it was a reminder as to who this is for.
Coming off the bridge:
Within 1 minute of coming off the bridge I see a hot pink marshmallow! My family - Chris, Marley, Sean, my mom and Bill!! They were waving and taking pics and I started to make my way to them. I burst out crying - I had been dying to see my kids and there they were with signs. It was an unbelievable feeling.
5 minutes later my next batch of family! Paula, Paul, Dad, Annie and Mike! Made a quick stop to give smooches and pose for a pic and back on my way.
Loneliness:
1st Ave was not good. Really, really lonely. I realize that I was surrounded by crowds and other runners/ walkers but I was alone. The going was getting tough here. Here's where things changed. Although my hamstring was throbbing badly - this was a familiar pain. This is why I spent 6 weeks in physical therapy - the pain had gone away for most of my training but it had started to kick back up about 2 weeks ago. The other groin pain is relatively new. When I ran, I had groin pain....when I walked, I had hamstring pain. I opted for the hamstring pain because I know the feeling well so mentally, I would be able to handle it. This meant walking. So basically from mile 18 on was at a walk around 14 min/mile.
I can't quite describe the loneliness. I just felt really alone and it was a feeling that lasted with the rest of the race. Except for those few minutes that Jeff McMahon spotted me and jump on the course to walk with me for a few minutes. Again - it was great to see a familiar face. And to chat with someone for a few minutes. For those 5 or so minutes I forgot about my loneliness.
Boogie Down Bronx:
Things were getting even harder here. I started to feel really tired. I just wanted to be done. I was drinking my gatorade still and taking water at the station. Took another caffeinated GU hoping for a little boost.
Guy at the water station, "Go Kim! You don't need this exercise...you look Gooooood!" - Love the Bronx :)
Harlem:
I was DONE. Now I was getting angry. I was looking at my watch and getting mad that there was no way I was going to make 5:59:59. I was feeling a little light-headed/dizzy. I was physically exhausted. It took 2 hands to lift my gatorade bottle to my lips without it shaking. I was questioning my ability to finish. I was witnessing people throwing up on the side of the road, dropping down to the curb and just sitting, sitting down and taking off shoes to fix socks, wraps or bandages. It was not looking good here. The crowd had thinned out. The water stations were low on supplies. There was an ambulance and cop car about 1/4 mile behind me announcing they were marking the end of the police escort. I desperately tried to keep them that 1/4 mile back but they eventually caught up to me in Central Park.
Coming up on Central Park:
Someone needs to check the distance here. Why did it take so friggin' long to get to each new mile marker??? I really wanted to just stop. I was at the point that I really didn't give a shit if I finished or not. But I kept thinking about something I read recently....the memory of earning the medal is much greater than the memory of quitting. I repeated this over and over and over for the last 5 miles. All of a sudden I feel an arm around my shoulder, "Hey kid! You're almost there!!" I turned and it took a minute for mind to register that Patrick was on the course with me. He's always there when I need to vent some serious anger - sorry Patty, but you take it so well :)
2 seconds later I see my kids (and Chris, Mom and Bill). They are cheering that I'm almost done. Little did they know I wasn't sure if I was going to make it.
And then the rest of my family was at mile 25.5. They say I looked good - we are making them eye doctor appointments ASAP.
Where the fuck is the finish line!?!? The last 3/4 of mile was me repeating, "This sucks" and "Bullshit. Total fucking bullshit". I'm serious - I was PISSED off at this point.
Finally - the damn finish line. Crossed it. Yeah! Had to wait for a medal since the people in front of me had to create photo ops. I'm cold! Get the fuck out of my way! Finally get that medal around my neck - can move forward to be wrapped in foil...keep moving for my bag of snacks...keep moving. Get me out of this park. I'm FREEZING. Where the hell is Chris with my jacket?? Ahh...he's stuck in Central Park - they won't let him cross. Are you kidding me??? While he's trying to figure that out - I scope out a medical tent assuming there is a potty nearby. Yes! And there is toilet paper left! And it doesn't smell. AND for a few minutes I'm not freezing from the wind. I'm no longer dizzy but I'm scared to eat a snack because I thought my belly wasn't going to cooperate.
FINALLY - meet up with family around 60th (I had to walk there from 72nd)!! YEAH!!
My mom & Bill take the kids home....Chris & I head back to the hotel so I can get changed. It's not so easy to get back to the hotel. So crossing the finish line and getting together with the family takes 45 minutes. Trying to get back to 29th street takes even longer. There are NO available cabs. We tried in a few different spots but had no luck. Finally we just gave up and hopped on the subway. Changing into regular clothes felt great. But I kept my socks on - I was scared to see what was underneath.
We had just enough time to make our dinner reservations but that meant I had to skip the Foley's Pub after party. Team McGraw - I hope you all had an awesome day and I'm so sorry I didn't have enough time to meet up with you afterwards to celebrate!
Chinese food celebration with marathoners Liz and Naftali...along with their family & friends was fun. I was really zombie-fied though. My foot was really hurting and I was crashing. After having a little delicious salty food - Chris & I walked some more to finally get the car to make our way home.
Sleep came very easily last night. I'm sore today in weird spots. I'm hungry as hell too.
I realize what I did was a huge accomplishment but I'm really pissed that it took me so long. And I'm really pissed that I really, really struggled at the end.
I will not be doing another marathon. That is for sure. Being the cheering section works just fine for me. Half-marathons is where you will see me!
Congrats to all the participants. And thanks to all the spectators who kept me going.
Peace out.
Heading in to the city on Saturday:
The excitement was great! Chris drove me & Yvonne to the train and while we were waiting some guy started talking to us about the marathon (He saw our Team McGraw backpacks). He had recently run the Marine Corps. Marathon and was telling us that we were going to break our goal time - boy was he wrong.
We get to the hotel - organize all our stuff for the morning. Clothes are set up & bag of crap is ready to go. We didn't think trying to get organized at 4am was such a good idea.
The pre-race pasta dinner:
Had an awesome time at the dinner. The food was awesome as was the crowd. It was great to finally meet in person all the people I've been speaking with online. Listening to all the team members share their stories about why they joined Team McGraw was inspiring. I started to cry when it was my turn so I wrapped it up quickly.
The night before:
This was rough. I really wanted to sleep well but all that nervous energy wasn't going to let that happen. I tossed and turned most of the night. I also woke up 2-3 times in a full body sweat which probably wasn't so great in terms of hydration. I decided to wake up at about 3:30am and have my coffee.
The start:
Although really cold, the village was fun. I was surrounded by thousands and thousands of people all about to do the same thing. I'm not good with maps - but I did think it was a little oddly organized. And remember - I did have a VIP pass so I walked over to the tent and went inside. Although warm, it was crowded and looked like just a place to get a bagel or muffin and sit at a table. Not my thing - so I decided to go back to my team. Oh yeah - no Edward Norton sightings :(
The real start:
We're moving our way to our corral and watching the 2nd wave cross the bridge. I was jumping out of my skin - I just wanted to get it done. We slowly work our way to the actual start line which took me a little over 10 minutes to get to there once we started moving. The bridge was COLD and very windy. My face felt totally frozen. Yvonne & I stayed together here - we started the incline with a fast walk for about the first mile. But it was so friggin cold we started to run so we could get into the sun ASAP!
Brooklyn:
The best! The energy was great! My energy AND the crowds. I was sticking to my alternating...I think the biggest mistake I made here was my speed. My runs were hitting 11:00 min/miles which was too fast...I tried to slow it down but I felt like no matter what I could not go slower than 12:00 min/miles. My walk breaks were around 14min/miles.
It was so awesome to see a few friendly faces too! Thanks MJ for the sign and cheer around mile 8 (I think??)...and it was great to see Patrick around mile 9. Also - thanks for my gatorade!
In addition to my speed mistake here - the potty mistake was huge. I had to pee around mile 6. Yes - I could've held it but I figured I better go early. I stood on line for 10-15 MINUTES!! WTF???? As I got back on my way - I noticed another bank of port-o-potties on the left that had NO line. I could have shaved all that time of waiting had I known there were potties on BOTH sides.
Oh yeah!! Almost forgot! I started listening to my ipod after Yvonne and I split up. I had it on low enough that I could still hear the crowds. I was probably around mile 4 or so when Limp Bizkit & Method Man came on....DEKALB! I actually laughed out loud! I love the word Dekalb - no idea why. And when we head into Brooklyn to hang out with Patrick & Liz we take Dekalb - which I repeatedly have to say loudly, "DEKALB!"
Queens:
Tried to make another quick pitstop - I think this was right around Mile 12 - I'm not exactly sure. Big problem here....although the line was short, the potty that opened up for me was NASTY. And I have a horrible gag reflex. I couldn't do it. I started dry-heaving and stumbled out into the fresh air without peeing. I think I dry-heaved for about 1/4 mile.
Passing the midway point was a great feeling. But I was concerned a bit since my hamstring was already a steady throb. As I was on the decline of the Queensboro Bridge I was worried I had missed John & Chris. I was bummed out and I was trying to remind myself to send a quick text at the next potty break. Then all of a sudden I saw a HUGE sign!! It was so awesome! Exactly what I needed at that moment. I stopped for hugs, gatorade and pictures!
59th Street Bridge:
Long stretch of quiet here. I saw a ton of people struggling or stopping and sitting on the divider for a break. I made a mistake here too - there is a spot where you can step up to the railing to take in the view. There were a bunch of people up there taking pics so I decided to stop and take in the view. Bad idea. Although I stopped - it felt like I was still moving and I could not get my hand to make contact with the railing. This is where the dizziness started. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb idea.
My wedding song came on and I started crying. In a good way - it was a reminder as to who this is for.
Coming off the bridge:
Within 1 minute of coming off the bridge I see a hot pink marshmallow! My family - Chris, Marley, Sean, my mom and Bill!! They were waving and taking pics and I started to make my way to them. I burst out crying - I had been dying to see my kids and there they were with signs. It was an unbelievable feeling.
5 minutes later my next batch of family! Paula, Paul, Dad, Annie and Mike! Made a quick stop to give smooches and pose for a pic and back on my way.
Loneliness:
1st Ave was not good. Really, really lonely. I realize that I was surrounded by crowds and other runners/ walkers but I was alone. The going was getting tough here. Here's where things changed. Although my hamstring was throbbing badly - this was a familiar pain. This is why I spent 6 weeks in physical therapy - the pain had gone away for most of my training but it had started to kick back up about 2 weeks ago. The other groin pain is relatively new. When I ran, I had groin pain....when I walked, I had hamstring pain. I opted for the hamstring pain because I know the feeling well so mentally, I would be able to handle it. This meant walking. So basically from mile 18 on was at a walk around 14 min/mile.
I can't quite describe the loneliness. I just felt really alone and it was a feeling that lasted with the rest of the race. Except for those few minutes that Jeff McMahon spotted me and jump on the course to walk with me for a few minutes. Again - it was great to see a familiar face. And to chat with someone for a few minutes. For those 5 or so minutes I forgot about my loneliness.
Boogie Down Bronx:
Things were getting even harder here. I started to feel really tired. I just wanted to be done. I was drinking my gatorade still and taking water at the station. Took another caffeinated GU hoping for a little boost.
Guy at the water station, "Go Kim! You don't need this exercise...you look Gooooood!" - Love the Bronx :)
Harlem:
I was DONE. Now I was getting angry. I was looking at my watch and getting mad that there was no way I was going to make 5:59:59. I was feeling a little light-headed/dizzy. I was physically exhausted. It took 2 hands to lift my gatorade bottle to my lips without it shaking. I was questioning my ability to finish. I was witnessing people throwing up on the side of the road, dropping down to the curb and just sitting, sitting down and taking off shoes to fix socks, wraps or bandages. It was not looking good here. The crowd had thinned out. The water stations were low on supplies. There was an ambulance and cop car about 1/4 mile behind me announcing they were marking the end of the police escort. I desperately tried to keep them that 1/4 mile back but they eventually caught up to me in Central Park.
Coming up on Central Park:
Someone needs to check the distance here. Why did it take so friggin' long to get to each new mile marker??? I really wanted to just stop. I was at the point that I really didn't give a shit if I finished or not. But I kept thinking about something I read recently....the memory of earning the medal is much greater than the memory of quitting. I repeated this over and over and over for the last 5 miles. All of a sudden I feel an arm around my shoulder, "Hey kid! You're almost there!!" I turned and it took a minute for mind to register that Patrick was on the course with me. He's always there when I need to vent some serious anger - sorry Patty, but you take it so well :)
2 seconds later I see my kids (and Chris, Mom and Bill). They are cheering that I'm almost done. Little did they know I wasn't sure if I was going to make it.
And then the rest of my family was at mile 25.5. They say I looked good - we are making them eye doctor appointments ASAP.
Where the fuck is the finish line!?!? The last 3/4 of mile was me repeating, "This sucks" and "Bullshit. Total fucking bullshit". I'm serious - I was PISSED off at this point.
Finally - the damn finish line. Crossed it. Yeah! Had to wait for a medal since the people in front of me had to create photo ops. I'm cold! Get the fuck out of my way! Finally get that medal around my neck - can move forward to be wrapped in foil...keep moving for my bag of snacks...keep moving. Get me out of this park. I'm FREEZING. Where the hell is Chris with my jacket?? Ahh...he's stuck in Central Park - they won't let him cross. Are you kidding me??? While he's trying to figure that out - I scope out a medical tent assuming there is a potty nearby. Yes! And there is toilet paper left! And it doesn't smell. AND for a few minutes I'm not freezing from the wind. I'm no longer dizzy but I'm scared to eat a snack because I thought my belly wasn't going to cooperate.
FINALLY - meet up with family around 60th (I had to walk there from 72nd)!! YEAH!!
My mom & Bill take the kids home....Chris & I head back to the hotel so I can get changed. It's not so easy to get back to the hotel. So crossing the finish line and getting together with the family takes 45 minutes. Trying to get back to 29th street takes even longer. There are NO available cabs. We tried in a few different spots but had no luck. Finally we just gave up and hopped on the subway. Changing into regular clothes felt great. But I kept my socks on - I was scared to see what was underneath.
We had just enough time to make our dinner reservations but that meant I had to skip the Foley's Pub after party. Team McGraw - I hope you all had an awesome day and I'm so sorry I didn't have enough time to meet up with you afterwards to celebrate!
Chinese food celebration with marathoners Liz and Naftali...along with their family & friends was fun. I was really zombie-fied though. My foot was really hurting and I was crashing. After having a little delicious salty food - Chris & I walked some more to finally get the car to make our way home.
Sleep came very easily last night. I'm sore today in weird spots. I'm hungry as hell too.
I realize what I did was a huge accomplishment but I'm really pissed that it took me so long. And I'm really pissed that I really, really struggled at the end.
I will not be doing another marathon. That is for sure. Being the cheering section works just fine for me. Half-marathons is where you will see me!
Congrats to all the participants. And thanks to all the spectators who kept me going.
Peace out.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
NERVES!
Damn it. I do not like feeling this nervous. I wish I was the kind of person who could take this nervousness and turn it into positive excitement. But I am a worrier. And a doubter.
I know I've been training...and I know I've tackled the long runs. I also know I could've done more with my shorter training runs...but I'm a new runner. I haven't learned how to make running my priority just yet.
I'm tired from work, being a mommy, keeping up the house (even though Chris & I both take care of "chores"). Chris also offers to take care of more so I CAN go straight out for a run. But again - I'm not good with this. I'm a guilty mom who leaves really early for work and feels like I'm the absent parent most days. So going for a run first thing after I walk in the door makes me feel like I'm even more absent. Excuses? No. Just reality.
But now we're in the final countdown and I'm worried that because I don't know how to put myself first EVER, everything will backfire.
This marathon is on my thoughts at all times these days. I wake up with my jaw hurting because I've been clenching & grinding my teeth all night. I randomly get butterflies in my stomach out of the blue. I burst out crying last night while washing dishes.
I feel like I'm out of my league here.
HOWEVER...there is something deep inside me that knows I will fucking finish this. And my slow ass is still getting it done. I will be crying. I will be freaking out. But I will get. it. done.
I will learn something about myself. I will also learn what things I need to change about myself. Or work harder at for my next race - whichever that will be.
I'm belly breathing to calm me down. I'm visualizing the medal around my neck. And I'm trying so so hard to just calm down instead of wasting precious energy on worry and doubt.
I'm trying to get to the "place" I got myself to when I was in labor with Sean. I had a minor meltdown before we left for the hospital...thinking that I'm ruining Marley's life as an only child, how could I not think of her, I'm a horrible mother, etc. But on the way to the hospital something happened. The panic left. I was calm. So totally calm. I went through all those hours of labor - riding out the contractions - with determined focus. And I made it through with no problems.
I need to get to that place...only I'm not sure how I got there.
I know I've been training...and I know I've tackled the long runs. I also know I could've done more with my shorter training runs...but I'm a new runner. I haven't learned how to make running my priority just yet.
I'm tired from work, being a mommy, keeping up the house (even though Chris & I both take care of "chores"). Chris also offers to take care of more so I CAN go straight out for a run. But again - I'm not good with this. I'm a guilty mom who leaves really early for work and feels like I'm the absent parent most days. So going for a run first thing after I walk in the door makes me feel like I'm even more absent. Excuses? No. Just reality.
But now we're in the final countdown and I'm worried that because I don't know how to put myself first EVER, everything will backfire.
This marathon is on my thoughts at all times these days. I wake up with my jaw hurting because I've been clenching & grinding my teeth all night. I randomly get butterflies in my stomach out of the blue. I burst out crying last night while washing dishes.
I feel like I'm out of my league here.
HOWEVER...there is something deep inside me that knows I will fucking finish this. And my slow ass is still getting it done. I will be crying. I will be freaking out. But I will get. it. done.
I will learn something about myself. I will also learn what things I need to change about myself. Or work harder at for my next race - whichever that will be.
I'm belly breathing to calm me down. I'm visualizing the medal around my neck. And I'm trying so so hard to just calm down instead of wasting precious energy on worry and doubt.
I'm trying to get to the "place" I got myself to when I was in labor with Sean. I had a minor meltdown before we left for the hospital...thinking that I'm ruining Marley's life as an only child, how could I not think of her, I'm a horrible mother, etc. But on the way to the hospital something happened. The panic left. I was calm. So totally calm. I went through all those hours of labor - riding out the contractions - with determined focus. And I made it through with no problems.
I need to get to that place...only I'm not sure how I got there.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Week 14 DONE
Done Done Done. 20 freakin' miles. Unbelievable!! It was pretty uneventful though - I found myself moving slower than usual...but I think this was because I was bored. My music wasn't entertaining me...the wind was just annoying me...I was alone on the same route I always take. The boredom was the worst of the day. My foot held up nicely with the moleskin padding, lots of lube and looser shoelaces. My hamstring on the other hand was tight but nothing I couldn't handle.
I tried to follow coach's advice and find a "happy place" but I couldn't focus on anything. I started planning what I would pack in the backpack that Chris is going to meet me with after the finish line...and I remembered that I wanted to let me friends & family who are coming to cheer know that they should wear something red...and to wear sneakers in case they need to hop the barricade to give me a pep talk. I found myself singing out loud and then I felt like a freak so I stopped.
I did pass someone who must've been training too since I saw him when I was around mile 7...then I saw him again when I was at mile 17.5 and close to tears. He however, was running uphill at a good clip and did not have a look of pain or fighting back a cry. Damn.
And, as usual, my path crossed with the asshole who I see every single weekend and he still refuses to acknowledge me. I say good morning to him every weekend..and every weekend I get ignored. He's in his mock turtleneck tucked into running tights and he run/shuffles with a stick. This totally amuses me because the neighborhood I see him in is totally suburban so it's not like he's fending off wild dogs or thugs. So again, I see him this morning and get ignored. Then around mile 7 I stopped for a quick pee break and Chris told me I smelled RANCID. Thank you - I love you too :) Anyway, I see this guy again when I'm around mile 9...we happened to turn onto the same street heading in the same direction and he was going slower than me so I had to pass him. I decided to pass close by so he could get a nice whiff of eau du body odor. Gave me a moment of satisfaction.
Later - when I was around mile 15, I was in the urban area I run through. I run through 2 different towns and they range from sprawling properties in what long ago was farm land...to regular suburbia on postage stamp lots (where I live) to a little ghetto. So I'm in the ghetto area and coming towards me on the sidewalk is a quite intimidating guy with tons of gold chains, sagging jeans, big Northface jacket concealing a weapon perhaps, and what does he do...says, "Mornin' - how you doin?" My response was, "Crappy" which made us both chuckle.
I'm drawn by the differences in these people and how they interact with others. Perhaps thats why my major was Sociology.
I'm looking forward to tapering - I'll tell you that. I don't know about this distance. Perhaps I'm more of a 1/2 marathon runner. I COULD enter the lottery for the NYC 1/2 in March...and really work on improving my speed. Or I could take a break until the spring and then sign up for some races then. I just don't know what the future brings with me & running. I AM going to start riding my bike again...I'm kind of interested in the women's only mini triathlon down the shore but that means swimming in the open waters. Jaws could be out there....which is another way of me saying that although I can swim, I don't know if I can swim THAT well. My gym offers a triathlon swimming course so maybe I could sign up for that over the winter.
I tried to follow coach's advice and find a "happy place" but I couldn't focus on anything. I started planning what I would pack in the backpack that Chris is going to meet me with after the finish line...and I remembered that I wanted to let me friends & family who are coming to cheer know that they should wear something red...and to wear sneakers in case they need to hop the barricade to give me a pep talk. I found myself singing out loud and then I felt like a freak so I stopped.
I did pass someone who must've been training too since I saw him when I was around mile 7...then I saw him again when I was at mile 17.5 and close to tears. He however, was running uphill at a good clip and did not have a look of pain or fighting back a cry. Damn.
And, as usual, my path crossed with the asshole who I see every single weekend and he still refuses to acknowledge me. I say good morning to him every weekend..and every weekend I get ignored. He's in his mock turtleneck tucked into running tights and he run/shuffles with a stick. This totally amuses me because the neighborhood I see him in is totally suburban so it's not like he's fending off wild dogs or thugs. So again, I see him this morning and get ignored. Then around mile 7 I stopped for a quick pee break and Chris told me I smelled RANCID. Thank you - I love you too :) Anyway, I see this guy again when I'm around mile 9...we happened to turn onto the same street heading in the same direction and he was going slower than me so I had to pass him. I decided to pass close by so he could get a nice whiff of eau du body odor. Gave me a moment of satisfaction.
Later - when I was around mile 15, I was in the urban area I run through. I run through 2 different towns and they range from sprawling properties in what long ago was farm land...to regular suburbia on postage stamp lots (where I live) to a little ghetto. So I'm in the ghetto area and coming towards me on the sidewalk is a quite intimidating guy with tons of gold chains, sagging jeans, big Northface jacket concealing a weapon perhaps, and what does he do...says, "Mornin' - how you doin?" My response was, "Crappy" which made us both chuckle.
I'm drawn by the differences in these people and how they interact with others. Perhaps thats why my major was Sociology.
I'm looking forward to tapering - I'll tell you that. I don't know about this distance. Perhaps I'm more of a 1/2 marathon runner. I COULD enter the lottery for the NYC 1/2 in March...and really work on improving my speed. Or I could take a break until the spring and then sign up for some races then. I just don't know what the future brings with me & running. I AM going to start riding my bike again...I'm kind of interested in the women's only mini triathlon down the shore but that means swimming in the open waters. Jaws could be out there....which is another way of me saying that although I can swim, I don't know if I can swim THAT well. My gym offers a triathlon swimming course so maybe I could sign up for that over the winter.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Week 13...
OK - for starters, my recovery week from that nasty stomach bug was not too bad. My stomach was really sensitive though on Monday & Tuesday so I couldn't eat much - which didn't help me regain any energy. If I bent over a certain way to pick something up or put something down my legs would wobble. By Wednesday though I felt much better so I went out for a run...felt good to get out. Legs felt good too.
My watch on the other hand did not do so well. "Memory Full" would flash whenever I tried to start the timer - how is that possible when I had deleted all activities?? After my run, I read through the manual and learned there is a system reset - tried that, all looked ok until I tried to use my watch at school on Friday. I was running with my 7th grade class during their gym period - and this week the run was going to be outside so I wanted to clock the distance of the laps they had to do. I get started, hit start and again "Memory Full". Damn it. After working my way through a ridiculously long menu...and then sitting on hold for 30 minutes I finally get to a live person who in less than 5 minutes - walked me through doing a more intense reset.
SO....for my long run this week I opted to run last week's mileage which was 12 miles. Is this going to set me back? No - since I screwed up plotting out the training schedule. On Coach's training spreadsheet I typed in date ranges next to each week of training. The thing is, I missed an entire week of October somehow when doing the plotting. Which means - I have an entire extra week of training I can do! SO I did last week's - next weekend will be a 20 miler. I'm already a little anxious about it - I will be aggressively hydrating all week...and will make sure I'm eating properly (I've been on a SUGAR kick the last 3 days - no clue why). I can do this.
I also wanted to talk about the 50/50 we had at Crossroads. First of all, they were so great in allowing us to hold this there. I've known them for a LONG time (since 3rd grade according to Mrs. Frankel) so it was nice to see familiar faces there. And there were bands playing already so we were just an add on which was great because no money had to come out of our pockets to host the raffle there. We were able to bring in $250 - of which $125 went to the winner (a guy who bought just one ticket!)...and $125 went to Team McGraw. This is great considering we didn't really do anything except have a few beers with friends. We took turns making a quick walk through of the place offering tickets but we also had a table set up so people could come to us...and we could catch people on their way into the bar too. Next year (I say this with the assumption that I will survive this year's marathon and want to do this lunacy again) I think we could put more effort into it and really make some $$. McGovern is going to try to set something up at Molly Maguire's so that should be great too.
The unbelievable task of training for and running a marathon AND raising money for brain tumors - which everyone already knows or quickly learned that is a situation that Chris & I were thrown into 4 years ago - is SO SO important to me. This is seriously the biggest thing I've ever done. I'm obsessed with it - I live it, breathe it, eat it, sleep it. And what's amazing to me is that during this time I have learned of the unbelievable support from friends, family, strangers, and people who I haven't spoken to since high school!!! Unfortunately, with be the amazing support also comes some let downs but you know what - that's not my problem, it's theirs.
Until next week which I'm sure will include some serious potty mouth..."Ya Gotta Believe"!!!
My watch on the other hand did not do so well. "Memory Full" would flash whenever I tried to start the timer - how is that possible when I had deleted all activities?? After my run, I read through the manual and learned there is a system reset - tried that, all looked ok until I tried to use my watch at school on Friday. I was running with my 7th grade class during their gym period - and this week the run was going to be outside so I wanted to clock the distance of the laps they had to do. I get started, hit start and again "Memory Full". Damn it. After working my way through a ridiculously long menu...and then sitting on hold for 30 minutes I finally get to a live person who in less than 5 minutes - walked me through doing a more intense reset.
SO....for my long run this week I opted to run last week's mileage which was 12 miles. Is this going to set me back? No - since I screwed up plotting out the training schedule. On Coach's training spreadsheet I typed in date ranges next to each week of training. The thing is, I missed an entire week of October somehow when doing the plotting. Which means - I have an entire extra week of training I can do! SO I did last week's - next weekend will be a 20 miler. I'm already a little anxious about it - I will be aggressively hydrating all week...and will make sure I'm eating properly (I've been on a SUGAR kick the last 3 days - no clue why). I can do this.
I also wanted to talk about the 50/50 we had at Crossroads. First of all, they were so great in allowing us to hold this there. I've known them for a LONG time (since 3rd grade according to Mrs. Frankel) so it was nice to see familiar faces there. And there were bands playing already so we were just an add on which was great because no money had to come out of our pockets to host the raffle there. We were able to bring in $250 - of which $125 went to the winner (a guy who bought just one ticket!)...and $125 went to Team McGraw. This is great considering we didn't really do anything except have a few beers with friends. We took turns making a quick walk through of the place offering tickets but we also had a table set up so people could come to us...and we could catch people on their way into the bar too. Next year (I say this with the assumption that I will survive this year's marathon and want to do this lunacy again) I think we could put more effort into it and really make some $$. McGovern is going to try to set something up at Molly Maguire's so that should be great too.
The unbelievable task of training for and running a marathon AND raising money for brain tumors - which everyone already knows or quickly learned that is a situation that Chris & I were thrown into 4 years ago - is SO SO important to me. This is seriously the biggest thing I've ever done. I'm obsessed with it - I live it, breathe it, eat it, sleep it. And what's amazing to me is that during this time I have learned of the unbelievable support from friends, family, strangers, and people who I haven't spoken to since high school!!! Unfortunately, with be the amazing support also comes some let downs but you know what - that's not my problem, it's theirs.
Until next week which I'm sure will include some serious potty mouth..."Ya Gotta Believe"!!!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Week 12...
Not quite done. A fast moving stomach bug decided to take over my body early Saturday morning.
My week consisted of a few short runs, a power yoga day and a fun run with some of my school kids during their gym class.
My "3rd Child" is an 8th grader and although we had originally made a wager (him improving his attitude with his current teachers if he lost - which he would...or me wearing a "Grandma Golden" sign every day at school - he likes to say I look old which I most certainly do not!)...we decided that we would just run together at a good pace instead of race (I let him off the hook after he was reminded that I have been marathon training). Plus - our "race" was an endurance one since last year he beat me easy in a sprint - although I like to blame it on the flip flops I had on. We ran just under 1.5 miles then I did sit-ups with the rest of the class. I have to say...1. situps are NOT the same as crunches - they are hard! 2. Mid-day short runs are an awesome stress reliever.
Friday night I had a weird pain in my side but I just figured it was sore from the sit-ups. Saturday morning was fine - had my coffee, started laundry, etc. Took another sip of luke warm coffee and a funny taste lingered in my mouth. My belly also started to feel "sloshy". I ate some toast and went out to run a quick errand....where the nausea increased. I spent the rest of the day in the bathroom or laying on the couch FREEZING despite the many layers I had on (Although I did not actually have a fever!). It wasn't fun. And it was even worse when I started to feel a little better around 8pm....to then deal with my daughter puking from 9pm-12:30am. Oddly - we both woke up totally fine.
I am being smart though and skipping what should be a 12 mile long run this weekend. I'm totally dehydrated and run-down. I can't imagine going a mile without it knocking me out. But it makes me nervous that missing this long run is going to set me back.
I'm definitely looking forward to the many miles coming up during the week...and a 20 miler next Saturday morning. AND a fundraiser next Saturday night at Crossroads in Garwood - if you're in the area, come on by for great live music and a 50/50 raffle!
My week consisted of a few short runs, a power yoga day and a fun run with some of my school kids during their gym class.
My "3rd Child" is an 8th grader and although we had originally made a wager (him improving his attitude with his current teachers if he lost - which he would...or me wearing a "Grandma Golden" sign every day at school - he likes to say I look old which I most certainly do not!)...we decided that we would just run together at a good pace instead of race (I let him off the hook after he was reminded that I have been marathon training). Plus - our "race" was an endurance one since last year he beat me easy in a sprint - although I like to blame it on the flip flops I had on. We ran just under 1.5 miles then I did sit-ups with the rest of the class. I have to say...1. situps are NOT the same as crunches - they are hard! 2. Mid-day short runs are an awesome stress reliever.
Friday night I had a weird pain in my side but I just figured it was sore from the sit-ups. Saturday morning was fine - had my coffee, started laundry, etc. Took another sip of luke warm coffee and a funny taste lingered in my mouth. My belly also started to feel "sloshy". I ate some toast and went out to run a quick errand....where the nausea increased. I spent the rest of the day in the bathroom or laying on the couch FREEZING despite the many layers I had on (Although I did not actually have a fever!). It wasn't fun. And it was even worse when I started to feel a little better around 8pm....to then deal with my daughter puking from 9pm-12:30am. Oddly - we both woke up totally fine.
I am being smart though and skipping what should be a 12 mile long run this weekend. I'm totally dehydrated and run-down. I can't imagine going a mile without it knocking me out. But it makes me nervous that missing this long run is going to set me back.
I'm definitely looking forward to the many miles coming up during the week...and a 20 miler next Saturday morning. AND a fundraiser next Saturday night at Crossroads in Garwood - if you're in the area, come on by for great live music and a 50/50 raffle!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Week 11 done!
OK - once again I know I didn't do enough during the week. It's really tough getting back into work after the summer off...and getting the kids back on schedule. My house looks like a tornado blew through. Here's the problem with during the week - when I walk in the door, the kids are already home with Chris. He is trying to figure out what to make for dinner...the kids are running around like lunatics...and for some reason instead of changing right away and heading out, I feel like I immediately have to unpack everyone's stuff, assess homework and start packing lunches & snacks for the next day. By the time I'm done, I'm wiped out, it's time for dinner and will be too dark to run outside alone. SO - the plan is changing. This coming week I'm running immediately and will pack snacks/lunches AFTER dinner. There is no other way.
The long run was supposed to be on Sunday but we had a family birthday party on Saturday afternoon and honestly, I just wanted to have a few beers and not obsess about hydration for a few hours. Due to this, I decided to do my long run early Saturday. Unfortunately, the weather on Saturday turned out to be close to 90 degrees and extremely humid. I do not like this kind of weather! But it is what it is so around 7:45am I headed out. My friend/neighbor, Chris, happened to be walking his dog while I was setting up my pit stop porch so I got a big cheer from him...and then another neighbor opened her door regardless of the fact that she was still in her nightgown to yell, "You got this! You can totally do this!" Love them.
I started on my way with what was supposed to be a 20 miler. Although slow, my first few miles were ok. I seem to be averaging under 11:30/mile while running and 15 min/mile when walk breaking. Miles 4-8 is when the foot pain increased. It wasn't so bad that I felt the need to stop but I really started to worry about stress fractures. So much so that I "lost" 40 minutes of my run. I mean, I don't remember those 40 minutes passing. Very strange.
Mile 12 is where I got really uncomfortable. Other than the fact that I was soaked in sweat, the humidity & the gnats were pissing me off. I was also feeling tired and really, really worried about my foot. My walk breaks turned to more like 16 min/miles. Unacceptable. I sent a quick text to friend/teammate Yvonne for guidance...she said, "Stop. Ice & Rest. Don't push it and turn this into something really serious." Good idea. But in order to stop I had to finish my loop. The PSE&G guys were out working and they'd been cheering me on every time I went by...this time they could tell I was hobbling.
14.75 miles and I'm on my front porch crying my eyes out from frustration. Chris is sitting with me telling me to be smart and don't get so upset. Hello??? I've been busting my ASS and I'll be damned if this is a fucking stress fracture and I'm told not to run. No. No. No. I sit there crying with an ice pack on my foot for 10 minutes...wiggle my toes & foot and realize the pain isn't too bad...Screw it - I'm doing another loop.
18 miles is all I could do. "ALL I COULD DO" - that's funny to me when you also see the number 18. Last summer 1.8 miles was ALL I COULD DO. I could've probably hobbled out a few more miles but since I had been moving SO SO slow - I was now short on time to get showered for the birthday party.
I'm showering and thinking, "I'm getting DEEE-RUNK today!". HAHAHA! Didn't quite happen that way. At the party I drank about 8 bottles of water....then filled a pint glass with water twice. Had some food. Had a Captain & Coke made for me which took me over an hour to drink since I fell asleep in a lawn chair. Ate a piece of cake....came home..had 1 beer and went to sleep.
So much for my big plan to drink away my frustration.
And the OCD in me woke up to continue my obsessive researching & self-diagnosing of my foot issue. For those of you who don't know me well - I am the master self-diagnoser. I have considered applying to med school. No joke - I am always right. This has led me to assessing the movement & pain in my foot and what it appears to be is a friggin' bone spur. Annoying but manageable.
I will be more consistent with my weekly runs...and am looking forward to "only doing 12" next weekend.
The long run was supposed to be on Sunday but we had a family birthday party on Saturday afternoon and honestly, I just wanted to have a few beers and not obsess about hydration for a few hours. Due to this, I decided to do my long run early Saturday. Unfortunately, the weather on Saturday turned out to be close to 90 degrees and extremely humid. I do not like this kind of weather! But it is what it is so around 7:45am I headed out. My friend/neighbor, Chris, happened to be walking his dog while I was setting up my pit stop porch so I got a big cheer from him...and then another neighbor opened her door regardless of the fact that she was still in her nightgown to yell, "You got this! You can totally do this!" Love them.
I started on my way with what was supposed to be a 20 miler. Although slow, my first few miles were ok. I seem to be averaging under 11:30/mile while running and 15 min/mile when walk breaking. Miles 4-8 is when the foot pain increased. It wasn't so bad that I felt the need to stop but I really started to worry about stress fractures. So much so that I "lost" 40 minutes of my run. I mean, I don't remember those 40 minutes passing. Very strange.
Mile 12 is where I got really uncomfortable. Other than the fact that I was soaked in sweat, the humidity & the gnats were pissing me off. I was also feeling tired and really, really worried about my foot. My walk breaks turned to more like 16 min/miles. Unacceptable. I sent a quick text to friend/teammate Yvonne for guidance...she said, "Stop. Ice & Rest. Don't push it and turn this into something really serious." Good idea. But in order to stop I had to finish my loop. The PSE&G guys were out working and they'd been cheering me on every time I went by...this time they could tell I was hobbling.
14.75 miles and I'm on my front porch crying my eyes out from frustration. Chris is sitting with me telling me to be smart and don't get so upset. Hello??? I've been busting my ASS and I'll be damned if this is a fucking stress fracture and I'm told not to run. No. No. No. I sit there crying with an ice pack on my foot for 10 minutes...wiggle my toes & foot and realize the pain isn't too bad...Screw it - I'm doing another loop.
18 miles is all I could do. "ALL I COULD DO" - that's funny to me when you also see the number 18. Last summer 1.8 miles was ALL I COULD DO. I could've probably hobbled out a few more miles but since I had been moving SO SO slow - I was now short on time to get showered for the birthday party.
I'm showering and thinking, "I'm getting DEEE-RUNK today!". HAHAHA! Didn't quite happen that way. At the party I drank about 8 bottles of water....then filled a pint glass with water twice. Had some food. Had a Captain & Coke made for me which took me over an hour to drink since I fell asleep in a lawn chair. Ate a piece of cake....came home..had 1 beer and went to sleep.
So much for my big plan to drink away my frustration.
And the OCD in me woke up to continue my obsessive researching & self-diagnosing of my foot issue. For those of you who don't know me well - I am the master self-diagnoser. I have considered applying to med school. No joke - I am always right. This has led me to assessing the movement & pain in my foot and what it appears to be is a friggin' bone spur. Annoying but manageable.
I will be more consistent with my weekly runs...and am looking forward to "only doing 12" next weekend.
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