Getting it done

12 miles done today. 25 miles done for the week PLUS ChaLEAN Extreme.
I am getting the miles in has not been hard to do thanks to summer vacation. I worry about what will happen when school starts back up soon. I have a feeling there will be a ton of coffee added to my days.

I am going into this last 10 weeks of training stronger than I was for the last two marathons. I'm strength training, cross training, stretching, properly fueling - you name, I'm doing it. I know I am stronger and that's awesome...I wish stronger also meant a tad faster too though.

I've been very angry. Angry with tumors, angry with chemo (happy it's there though too), angry at people who are assholes, angry at myself for sometimes not being able to put things in perspective, and I guess just angry at the world. But I think of Rage Against the Machine reminding me that "anger is a gift" - it is. It pushes me. Without it, I would probably be curled up in a dark corner by now.

I read an interesting statistic the other day. It was about how many times a person lies in  a day, a week, a month, a year. And that the most common lie is to say, "I'm fine." Yes, how true that is. Why? Because very few people REALLY want to know the truth. Most people are either just being socially polite or just want to stay sheltered from anything that can be taken as bad.

I have more on my shoulders than most people do. Do you want to know the shit that goes through my head? No - you want me to just say, "I'm fine." So I lie to you. Right now, having to lie makes me angry but as I said already, anger motivates me. So I guess I should be thanking you for not REALLY wanting to know which puts me in a position to lie.

Don't get me wrong - most days I really am fine, most days I know that no matter what I will be fine.
And some days I know that I will always "Hold my head high but my middle finger higher."