Getting it done

12 miles done today. 25 miles done for the week PLUS ChaLEAN Extreme.
I am getting the miles in has not been hard to do thanks to summer vacation. I worry about what will happen when school starts back up soon. I have a feeling there will be a ton of coffee added to my days.

I am going into this last 10 weeks of training stronger than I was for the last two marathons. I'm strength training, cross training, stretching, properly fueling - you name, I'm doing it. I know I am stronger and that's awesome...I wish stronger also meant a tad faster too though.

I've been very angry. Angry with tumors, angry with chemo (happy it's there though too), angry at people who are assholes, angry at myself for sometimes not being able to put things in perspective, and I guess just angry at the world. But I think of Rage Against the Machine reminding me that "anger is a gift" - it is. It pushes me. Without it, I would probably be curled up in a dark corner by now.

I read an interesting statistic the other day. It was about how many times a person lies in  a day, a week, a month, a year. And that the most common lie is to say, "I'm fine." Yes, how true that is. Why? Because very few people REALLY want to know the truth. Most people are either just being socially polite or just want to stay sheltered from anything that can be taken as bad.

I have more on my shoulders than most people do. Do you want to know the shit that goes through my head? No - you want me to just say, "I'm fine." So I lie to you. Right now, having to lie makes me angry but as I said already, anger motivates me. So I guess I should be thanking you for not REALLY wanting to know which puts me in a position to lie.

Don't get me wrong - most days I really am fine, most days I know that no matter what I will be fine.
And some days I know that I will always "Hold my head high but my middle finger higher."

Ugh.

As I sit here typing this, I'm trying to figure out a way to NOT have my negative feelings from today's run take over my entire week of training. I will do my best.
I have been working so hard. My entire body right now is just fatigued. It's not helping that I haven't been sleeping great and that I have woken up the last few days with serious sinus pressure.

During the week I spent my time doing about 4 mile runs (I've been playing around with my walk break intervals), Turbo Jam, and Turbo Sculpt. I've also been doing way more core work in order to avoid the lower back fatique as the training runs get longer.

My nutrition has been spot on. I'm logging every single thing - including GU, my coffee, whatever. I'm making much better choices yet I also refuse to totally deny myself what I love (ie: coconut ice cream).

For whatever reason I was feeling anxiety about today's long run. Probably turned out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy in a sense. A 10 miler is long but it's not a distance I'm unfamiliar with. Somehow though, I still didn't sleep - I tossed & turned and thought about it. I want to be able to just go out there and RUN. I'm so damn sick of walk breaks and feeling like a wuss. I don't get why in my 3rd marathon training season I'm STILL going the same pace and I'm still dependent on walk breaks. WTF?

I dreaded going out but skipping a long run is just not an option. I just was so beat down. My water bottles felt heavy, my legs didn't want to move, sweat was dripping in my eyes & temporarily blinding me. I wanted to just go home. I walked more than I ran which just really pissed me off. Right now, I'm just so annoyed.

I will go easy on myself the next two days. I will spend some time swimming and stretching...and maybe a brisk walk. I will get back in the running groove on Tuesday.

July Wrap-Up

Since my last post, I have put in lots and lots of miles. I've been fairly consistent with my scheduled runs and I've been doing my best to incorporate cross-training and strength. I've been sticking with Turbo Jam - sometimes Cardio Party, sometimes Turbo Sculpt. Every once in a while I through in a Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred - I feel like it shocks my muscles and wakes up those that have been on autopilot.

As for my sneakers, my wallet took a hit when I opted to take the next step in the world of Newtons. Worth every penny! My piriformis, my hamstring, my knee, - you name it- are ALL happier. Which makes me happier. Cause & Effect :)

I haven't had a chance to go back into this blog and look at previous July posts but I'm confident that I said something about the heat. I have NEVER felt so hot and drained as I did on last Saturday's 12 mile long run in Florida. Obviously, on run days I made a point to get out early when it's cooler and my mom & I went the route that provided the most shade. On 3-4 mile runs, not a problem. The first Saturday we were down there, our long run was a 9 miler. HOT. We went over the bridge that was just blazing sun - the entire time I was thinking, "Holy shit, how are we going to do the 12 miler??" Throughout the week, I tried to keep my muscles primed with swimming, stretching and some water jogging/squats. I ate more than needed and I had a beverage here & there but I kept my hydration solid.
Saturday's 12 miler was a KILLER. Hot doesn't even describe it. Legs were like lead, head was foggy. There was a slow, limping walk to wrap up the mileage but it.got.done. That's what matters.

Now we are home and the training is about to seriously ramp up. I'm excited, a bit anxious, and ready for it. I'm stronger this year. I'm eating better this year.
I'm still slow - maybe I always will be. But I can go the distance. And I will.