Apparently I have none.
The jitters started early and they just wouldn't stop. I'm so pissed at myself.
Perhaps this is too much info for you so if Poop makes you uncomfortable - stop reading this post.
I have my routine. If I miss my "window" I'm miserable. So I was quite happy when I woke up at 6:30am and felt the need to go. Yes! I'm done - Now I won't have to worry about it. WRONG. As the time came closer to leave the hotel and head to the park - I pooped every 10 minutes. You gotta be kidding me. But what could I do - we headed out and I just hoped I wouldn't actually have to make an emergency pit stop in a port-a-potty.
It was pointed out to me that I was unusually quiet. Sadly, I was letting myself get into my head and scramble things around. The rest of the girls were going to be doing the 4 miler....my start time was an hour and 15 minutes LATER - kind of weird. That means I would be standing around for that long all by myself, freaking myself out. I went up to one of the NYRR volunteers and asked if I could do the other race - apparently it didn't matter which one but once you start one - you can't run both.
After a little internal fighting, I decided to just do the 4 miler. According to my watch, it's longer than that but whatever. I finished well. I found a woman I considered my pacer - she was taking short walk breaks and was running a speed I was comfortable with so I either kept her in my sights or knew she wasn't too far behind me.
As I was starting to round the last bend - I saw Chris, the kids and Emme looking for me and a little bit further up was the finish line. I was at a good steady jog but my pacer was walking. I slowed down, waited for her to get close, tugged her sleeve and said, "Let's go pacer - we're running in together!" She started laughing but got back to running with me.
BUT.....once I crossed that finish line I KNEW I could've gone further. Damn it.
I felt kind of bummed out for a while and yes, I know this is shocking, but I was acting like a total bitch. Disappointment does not bring out the best in me.
My digestion was still doing somersaults so in reality, if I had been allowed to carry on - there would have been an emergency stop.
Although really pissed off at myself, I'm going to consider this a learning experience. I know I have to sign up for a bunch of races during my training in order to practice handling the jitters and build up my confidence. And I should probably carry immodium (thank you, Patrick, for running out of lunch to go get me some so I could eat!).
Next weekend I WILL be running 9 miles - and even though I'll be on my own, I WILL finish within the time limit that was posted for today. Shouldn't be a problem since, according to my watch, when I'm jogging I fluctuate between a 10 min/mile and 12 min/mile...my walk break are 13 min/miles and when I slow down to sip some water I'm around 15 min/mile.
I'm going to look into hypnosis to help overcome my nerves.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Do you GU?
As stated earlier - I am doing this right. I am taking care of myself as best as I can yet pushing myself. With the hopes of continuing with this - it's time to start experimenting with GU or similar. I don't really need it just yet on my long runs since they aren't incredibly long but it's best to test the belly out now.
Stopped at the local running store and stocked up on a couple things to try. And picked up a spibelt too-holds my tissues, GU, chapstick!
Saturday - I run/walk about 6 miles and half way through try a GU gel in orange burst (with caffeine). NASTY. NASTY. NASTY. Like thick baby aspirin. BUT I felt great (until a few hours later when I had some bad heartburn).
Sunday - 8.4 miles. GU Chomps in orange (no caffeine). These I liked. BUT I think I could've used the caffeine. To be honest - I think I let my fear of unknown mileage get the best of me. This is the most I've ever gone. I was excited yet anxious at the same time. 3 miles in and I wasn't at my best. I was walking more then running. My head games were going strong and I had some serious doubt that I would be completing the goal amount for the day. I eat the chomps and just keep going. The tears are threatening to come but since it's such a beautiful day there are a ton of people out and about and I'll be damned if people see me cry about this. 6 miles in, there is no way in freakin' hell I'm finishing today, no way I'm finishing the 15k coming up and no way I'm doing the marathon. WTF was I thinking?!?! I'm in pain, my walk breaks are SLOW. I can barely jog. I decide that when I get to my street I will look down to see if our friends have arrived yet. If they have, I'm calling it a day...if their car is not there then I will somehow keep going. Their car is not there. SON OF A BITCH!! A sob escapes my mouth - it probably takes more effort for me to hold it back then to just let it all out.
7 miles in and I pass 2 guys - they say hello and I barely croak out a hi. There is no way I can do this. This is where some serious mantra kicks in "Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker". If you live in the neighborhood and you heard me, I'm sorry but it's all that was coming to mind at the moment. Then a song I usually skip over came on. I would like to thank Incubus for being there when I needed it most. I think the song is called Transmissions. The tears just came, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. walk walk...limp, limp, limp. Song ends and I realize I don't have far to go. I start joggin, walking, limping...I'M HOME. I DID IT!!
Walk in the door- Chris says "Blau!" I say "How you like me now?!" (this is something that gets stuck in my head after almost every run) and then I burst out crying.
2 advil and 10 minutes with an ice pack then a hot shower and I'm good as new!
Stopped at the local running store and stocked up on a couple things to try. And picked up a spibelt too-holds my tissues, GU, chapstick!
Saturday - I run/walk about 6 miles and half way through try a GU gel in orange burst (with caffeine). NASTY. NASTY. NASTY. Like thick baby aspirin. BUT I felt great (until a few hours later when I had some bad heartburn).
Sunday - 8.4 miles. GU Chomps in orange (no caffeine). These I liked. BUT I think I could've used the caffeine. To be honest - I think I let my fear of unknown mileage get the best of me. This is the most I've ever gone. I was excited yet anxious at the same time. 3 miles in and I wasn't at my best. I was walking more then running. My head games were going strong and I had some serious doubt that I would be completing the goal amount for the day. I eat the chomps and just keep going. The tears are threatening to come but since it's such a beautiful day there are a ton of people out and about and I'll be damned if people see me cry about this. 6 miles in, there is no way in freakin' hell I'm finishing today, no way I'm finishing the 15k coming up and no way I'm doing the marathon. WTF was I thinking?!?! I'm in pain, my walk breaks are SLOW. I can barely jog. I decide that when I get to my street I will look down to see if our friends have arrived yet. If they have, I'm calling it a day...if their car is not there then I will somehow keep going. Their car is not there. SON OF A BITCH!! A sob escapes my mouth - it probably takes more effort for me to hold it back then to just let it all out.
7 miles in and I pass 2 guys - they say hello and I barely croak out a hi. There is no way I can do this. This is where some serious mantra kicks in "Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker. Mother F-cker". If you live in the neighborhood and you heard me, I'm sorry but it's all that was coming to mind at the moment. Then a song I usually skip over came on. I would like to thank Incubus for being there when I needed it most. I think the song is called Transmissions. The tears just came, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. walk walk...limp, limp, limp. Song ends and I realize I don't have far to go. I start joggin, walking, limping...I'M HOME. I DID IT!!
Walk in the door- Chris says "Blau!" I say "How you like me now?!" (this is something that gets stuck in my head after almost every run) and then I burst out crying.
2 advil and 10 minutes with an ice pack then a hot shower and I'm good as new!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Slow & Steady
This past weekend had some ups & downs. Saturday I was feeling good but it was slippery out so I thought it best to do my run on the treadmill. Which I hate. It was long run day so I was shooting for about 6 miles. The treadmill for me is a form of torture. I hopped on trying to be all positive but that didn't last long. I just couldn't do it. 3 miles into it and I quit. I vowed that the long run would take place the next day OUTSIDE.
Sunday morning comes around and it's cold - but the sun is shining so I bundle myself up. When I run outside, I run in my neighborhood. I have a few routes I take and depending on how far I have to go - I piece them together in order to hit my grand total. I like this plan because 1. I know that I will pass by my house after the first loop in case I need the potty 2. If I get injured or something I'm near home 3. If I start feeling like I have to quit I just tell myself that I can make my decision when I get near home - I have never actually quit while outside.
I hit the streets and I'm not even a mile into it and I feel miserable. I feel like I'm going to slip and get hurt, I feel like a total spaz. I keep alternating between running & walking but I seem to be spending more time walking. This is just messing with my confidence. I keep "talking to myself" in my head - convincing myself that it's ok to stop early....and no it's not ok to stop early. Honestly, I think this happens during my first mile no matter what. I finally find my groove - mentally - even though I seem to be spending more time walking. I finish my first 3 mile loop and I hit my next jog when all of a sudden it doesn't feel so bad. I realize that my walk is not much slower than my jog and if I don't lose steam walking then why should I lose steam jogging?? This mind game works because I opt to not make my usual right turn but to go straight. I haven't gone this way in well over a year so really I can't quite remember where this leads...Ahh...that's right, it's a little further out then I thought. Oh well - this is what you get for doubting yourself at the beginning. By the time I got home I felt great.
I KNOW I could've done another loop but I'm going slow & steady. I'm not rushing into this and I've got nothing to prove early on. Well - actually, I have a lot to prove but that's to myself.
I'm not a runner. I never have been. Even in like middle school when I was in shape - put me in a sprint no problem; ask me to run a mile and I would laugh. Running has always scared me for whatever reason. But I'm getting used to it.
I listen to my music - yet I stay completely in tune to my body. This is a learning experience for me and I'm learning a lot.
Sunday morning comes around and it's cold - but the sun is shining so I bundle myself up. When I run outside, I run in my neighborhood. I have a few routes I take and depending on how far I have to go - I piece them together in order to hit my grand total. I like this plan because 1. I know that I will pass by my house after the first loop in case I need the potty 2. If I get injured or something I'm near home 3. If I start feeling like I have to quit I just tell myself that I can make my decision when I get near home - I have never actually quit while outside.
I hit the streets and I'm not even a mile into it and I feel miserable. I feel like I'm going to slip and get hurt, I feel like a total spaz. I keep alternating between running & walking but I seem to be spending more time walking. This is just messing with my confidence. I keep "talking to myself" in my head - convincing myself that it's ok to stop early....and no it's not ok to stop early. Honestly, I think this happens during my first mile no matter what. I finally find my groove - mentally - even though I seem to be spending more time walking. I finish my first 3 mile loop and I hit my next jog when all of a sudden it doesn't feel so bad. I realize that my walk is not much slower than my jog and if I don't lose steam walking then why should I lose steam jogging?? This mind game works because I opt to not make my usual right turn but to go straight. I haven't gone this way in well over a year so really I can't quite remember where this leads...Ahh...that's right, it's a little further out then I thought. Oh well - this is what you get for doubting yourself at the beginning. By the time I got home I felt great.
I KNOW I could've done another loop but I'm going slow & steady. I'm not rushing into this and I've got nothing to prove early on. Well - actually, I have a lot to prove but that's to myself.
I'm not a runner. I never have been. Even in like middle school when I was in shape - put me in a sprint no problem; ask me to run a mile and I would laugh. Running has always scared me for whatever reason. But I'm getting used to it.
I listen to my music - yet I stay completely in tune to my body. This is a learning experience for me and I'm learning a lot.
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