Where its at...

OK - so apparently a few of you actually FOLLOW my blog and were disappointed that I didn't provide a recap of the Japan run a few weeks ago. Sorry about that! Somehow it totally slipped my mind,
So here it goes....
The Japan Run for Hope 4 miler in Central Park was fun! I like the t-shirt we got - its got a big cherry blossom on the front (my next tattoo to cover the dumbass one on my ankle) and a Japanese word on the back (I can't remember off the top of my head). As usual, the crowd consisted of a good group of people. My knee didn't really give any problems but if I remember correctly, my ankle was feeling funny. My mom & I stuck together and I feel like maybe we walked more than we ran but when the results were posted - our overall pace didn't reflect that. Perhaps when we did run we ran faster?? I have no clue. One funny observation was two girls walking the race - and I mean strolling in flip flops holding their Starbucks coffee. I'm assuming they had a rough night but signed up for the NYRR 9+1 program so they had to show up in order to have another race under their belt.
Next race is June 11th in Central Park - it's the Women Only 10k. So fun! I did it last year and had a blast. My mom is doing this one as well as a few Team McGraw teammates! So once again it looks to be a good time.
Next, I should probably take a few minutes to explain my mental state. If you are "friends" with me on facebook you have probably noticed my lack of entries about running, training, fundraising, etc. There is a bit of cause & effect going on here. I am COMMITTED the NYC Marathon in November (160 days from right this moment)...and I am committed to raising as much as I can for Team McGraw and the Tug McGraw Foundation. But that being said, I have lost a bit of motivation with running. I think what's happening here is that last year I started fundraising so early and felt a big boost of steam when I saw just how many people stepped up and donated (large and small amounts are appreciated equally!). But this year it seems that the majority of people just don't give a shit. Some probably think that they have until November to donate (which they do) but they don't realize that for me, it's an additional level of stress on top of life stress and training stress. And sadly, there are some people that just don't give a shit at all because well, they haven't had to actually deal with a brain tumor situation themselves so it's not something they really get. And for some other people - they are just straight up assholes. Oh and there are also people who I know can't donate right now (or even at all) yet they are involved. They ask me how it's going, they cheer me on, they tell me to get off my lazy ass.
And what sucks the most is that I try to donate a little something to every single person who asks for a donation. Or doesn't straight up ask but I know they are doing something in order to raise awareness or research $ for a cause...or computers for kids who have been through shit.
Then there is the part of me which knows that running just doesn't come naturally for me. If you've known me since high school you may remember me walking off the varsity softball team when they told us to start running laps on the1st day of practice. And the fact that when I was approached to play varsity volleyball I politely declined and told them I don't play sports where I have to run laps.
I'm having a hard time finding a good place with running. I'm lacking in the confidence arena here. So - this will be my last marathon. For 2012 the plan will be to focus on half marathons. For me, that distance is challenging yet manageable. I also think that I might be able to actually make improvements with my pace and my form. 
I'm also going back to kickboxing. I miss it. I've missed it for years. I'm signing my kids up for karate too. I'm naturally good at it and that keeps my motivation and confidence up.
So that's where things are at right now...
PS - if you're reading this - YOU happen to be a person who motivates me so THANK YOU!