Crappy Ass Run

Horrible. The WORST both mentally and physically. And sadly, there is nobody to blame but myself. Here's what I learned: I'm out of shape, I'm not young anymore, I'm not consistent, I'm a quitter.
The out of shape thing and the consistency part go together. I'm out of shape because I'm not consistent. I'm not consistent because I let EVERYTHING get in my way. So I get a pink slip and instead of using that to fuel me - I use that as an excuse to be a slacker.
I'm not young anymore. I stayed up too late last night and drank too much. Drank too much the night before a run...and a run on the heels of me being a slacker. Woke up early to make sure I would have time for a little caffeine, some fluids and a bit of bagel. Didn't leave enough time to sit in the bathroom for 30 minutes with non-stop poop. So now we're running a bit late and there is no immodium in the house and no time to stop. I'm just going to hope for the best.
Get to the race and my stomache is cramping and rolling. I get my tag and bag of goodies and walk over to the t-shirt table. So I'm hungover and feeling like crap and the guy says, "Extra Large?" Um, no. Thanks for adding to my misery. I think I can fit into a medium. At this point - Chris was wise enough to just walk away from me because he knew an all out meltdown was close by. We tag up and head outside where it's gotta be like 100 degrees with blazing sun and "Cotton Eye Joe!" CRANKIN. Is this for real?
I decide that I'm just going to walk the race but you know that everyone started running so I have to run too. I'm not even to mile ONE and I feel like I'm going to barf, poop, pass out -you name it. But what am I going to do - just stop?? So I keep going. There are NO water stops along the way. WHO THE FUCK SET THIS RACE UP?? IT'S 90DEGREES OUTSIDE! Luckily - some residents and business owners started handing out cups of water or hot bottles of water. Thank you! Every time I jogged my belly rumbled so I walked. And sweat. I really think I was on the edge of dehydration (and yes Coach - I DID just read your blog about running smart in the heat but I'm an idiot). I pass the family cheering section - all I wanted to do was yell "Why are you even wasting your time cheering for me??? LOOK AT ME!" But it's not my kids' fault I'm an idiot.
This race will not end. It's 5k but I swear it felt like 20k. Finally - I see the finish line WAY up ahead. I see Chris (hasn't run in 2 years but finished in like 30 min) & Liz (probably finished in like 15 minutes) yelling to me & waving - I yell at them to just stop. 15 feet from the finish line I hang a left and head to the car crying. What's the point of crossing that line - I saw the clock. I know my shitty time. And I don't need to be crawling over that fucking line.
Not good. Not good at all.
I have never quit anything but a job. I don't like it. I feel like a loser.
So now you know I am weak. But also know that I'm committed to something and begged people to donate to me so it's time to get my shit together. 160 days - it's time to kick it into high gear.

It's been a while...

Sorry y'all. I haven't really had much to say. I'm just plugging away but not really feeling like I'm making much progress. I'll just keep at it.
So I've been sticking to my weight training - I've got a decent routine so it's going well. And of course I'm sticking with my running. I've lightened up a little bit on the distance - didn't want to push it too much while I was waiting to get to the physical therapist. Since I was ahead with my training anyway - I decided to play it safe and go back about 2 weeks. So really - I just cut my long run back about 2 miles. Maybe it wasn't the right move but for me it feels like the right move so I'm happy with my decision. I'm also sticking with the 4 min run, 2 min walk - pretty easy and I feel like I could go on forever.
I went to the physical therapist last night for the first time. I basically got electro-shock therapy to my ass. Kind of weird...little electric things were put on my butt cheek and my hamstring - then he cranked them up AND put a heating pad on me. Sat like that for a bit - and then he stretched me out. I'm really flexible and the pain can really only be reproduced while walking or running (or standing for a long time) so I'm not feeling too good that my insurance is going to cover additional visits. Cheapos. But I was given some specific stretches and I've got the foam rollers to use at the gym so we'll see what happens. I do have another appointment tomorrow night so...
Oh - and the one thing I learned was that there is no way I should be using the elliptical now. Fine with me since I don't really care for it anyway but apparently it's not good for my hips.
Also - I got a new iPod for Mother's Day!! Yeah! I loved my old one but in comparison it didn't hold much music. Plus now I also have a radio for those times when my music just isn't cutting it. I really do have quite eclectic taste in music. And now I can also listen to audiobooks - never have before but I'm going to give it a try.
I've got a local 5k coming up Memorial Day. Should be fun - Chris is going to run with me...and Liz too I think. We're going to run past Chris' cousin's so they will cheer us on while watching the kids then we'll all go back there for some beers and BBQ.
After that I've got the 10K Women's run in Central Park. Should be awesome to run with a few Team McGraw teammates!!
As of right now there are 180 days and I'm SCARED. Truly scared.